When you're not around
by YulianaHenderson
Summary: When Lisbon doesn't return from a visit to her family in New York, Jane watches helplessly as his entire life comes crumbling down. Will he be able to live without her? Jisbon, though only from Jane's side. Rated T for character death, possible language and possible violence. Multi-chapter. Hurt/Comfort mostly, but the comfort is lost. If that's not you cup of tea, don't read.
1. Prologue

**A/N: This story has been haunting me longer than I would admit. I believe it's been screaming my name for the past four months or so. Do you understand why I finally decided to do something with it?**

**For the people that only just started reading my stories: I tend to have long and boring Author's Notes. You don't ****_have_**** to read them, but I recommend you do, because I mention some key information in them :D. **

**I ****_know_**** that I should really focus on my current stories, but this one made me have a writer's block for basically everything I had to write; even e-mails! So I wrote it down, and I definitely want to know if you want this one continued. In my mind, this story is already 3 full chapters (with full I mean longer than 3000 words) and it has a sequel. I just have to figure out ****_how_**** to write it :D. But if you don't want this one continued, I won't continue it :D.**

**So, on with the story! But not before the disclaimer, of course.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

"Hey Van Pelt. Where's Lisbon?" Jane asked as he danced into the bullpen.

It was a normal Monday morning, everybody had already started their work. Jane was late, like always on Mondays, and when he did his round around the building, he found that Lisbon wasn't in her office yet.

Van Pelt turned around in her chair.

"Didn't you know it? She sent a memo."

"What memo?" Jane asked, and Van Pelt sighed.

"Guess you didn't know. She left Friday evening. She's visiting her family in New York," Van Pelt said. Jane frowned.  
"She's in New York?"

"Not anymore, but she was, the entire weekend, yes."

"Oh."

He sat down on his couch. It worried him just a smidge that she didn't tell him of her weekend-plans, but he was happy she finally took the step of visiting her family. When Thomas had suddenly appeared in her life again, it hurt her to think of her other brothers whom she hadn't seen in years.

He shot a look at her office one more time, and then laid back in his couch, closing his eyes.

-YulianaHenderson-

When Jane opened his eyes – he was not sure if he had in fact slept – there was a chaos in the bullpen. The team was frantically calling people, typing away on their computers.

He sat up straight.

"What's going on?" asked Jane. Van Pelt startled just a bit, and turned around, her face almost apologetic. Jane's heard stopped beating then.

"Lisbon's... plane. It crashed."

* * *

**A/N: *insert evil face here***

**So, what do you think? I know I'm torturing Lisbon with this, I mean, she can be freaking dead, but know that I love Lisbon with all my heart. Even more than the love Jane has for her. I mean, Robin is such a brilliant woman, I love her... And therefore, Lisbon too. I don't do this because I hate her character, but because Jane is acting stupid in the show and I begin to hate ****_him_**** :D.**

**But, let me know what you think in a REVIEW, thank you!**


	2. Chapter One

**A/N: I had actually hoped more people would read this. I don't know, I was so excited about it myself that I maybe didn't think clear. Oh well.**

**The grandmother of someone that I know for my entire life died lately. Yesterday was the funeral - well, not really the funeral itself. I don't know how it is in other countries, but we here have first like a moment where you can offer the family and dear friends of the deceased condolences. I always think that that first moment is the most saddest, because you actually see the grieving family and talk with them and have to shake their hands... And I was crying too. Not because I miss that grandmother, I didn't really talk much with her, but because that boy I know since forever cried, and his little brothers too and I just can't cope with other people's sadness (at least if I know the people that are crying). It was SO sad, I was just crying and it was NOT pleasant.  
But that's why I feel ****_really_**** sorry for the team in this story. It's so mean of me to tear Lisbon away from them like this. But in like all my stories, it will have a happy ending eventually. I can't say much about it, but just think. :P I'm afraid I revealed too much now already. Let's continue with the story.**

**What's da starry? Are ya well? (Means 'What's up? Are you alright?' in Irish. I don't know why I'm all of a sudden so interested in Ireland, but it's SO great :D)**

**Seriously, I should stop with my Author's Note now...**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Too bad. Wish it was, though.**

* * *

Jane's world came crashing down as Van Pelt's words sank in.

"What?"

"It crashed, just above Milwaukee. According to paramedics, most people on board died."

"No no. No," whispered Jane. It couldn't be. Not Lisbon.

"I'm sorry, Jane."

He jumped up and ran towards her office.

"Jane!" exclaimed Van Pelt behind him, and followed him. "She's not here, Jane. She's not."

"She brought her phone with her, didn't she? Can't you call that? She can't be dead, I would feel it-"

Van Pelt cut Jane off by pulling him into a tight hug.

"It's what we've been trying to do for the past hour. We can't reach her. I'm sorry, Jane, but we have to accept the fact that she's dead."

Jane's breath caught in his throat.  
"I would feel it if she's dead, Grace. I just know-"

"Stop it," said Cho behind them, "you wouldn't feel it because that's nonsense."

Jane pulled away from Van Pelt, and the woman's heart broke when she saw how dead his eyes already looked.  
He ran off to his attic, and Cho and Van Pelt sighed at each other. They were sad too, but Jane always had to be a drama-queen.

"I'll call Thomas," said Van Pelt, and Cho nodded.

-YulianaHenderson-

Jane stared at the roof of the CBI building, the part he could see from his attic. He had burned the Red John files there, just before he had broke both his and Lisbon's heart.

Now that she wasn't here, it hurt him even more. That stupid Red John.

He stared at the sky. She couldn't be... she couldn't be dead. Or could she?

He closed his eyes, picturing her face in front of him. She was smiling at him.

He sighed.

He without Lisbon was not possible. Everybody knew that. They needed each other, if they admitted that or not. Jane just couldn't live without her.

That became clear when he'd left for Las Vegas. The first week was easy, he didn't have that much problems. After a few weeks though, he started seeing her everywhere. That dancer Lorelei with whom he'd shared the bed – against his own will, that is – had first been Lisbon to him, when he'd seen her dancing. Or when women called, he always thought they were Lisbon, because their voices sounded much alike. But he knew Lisbon wouldn't follow him. Not because she didn't miss him, but because she knew she couldn't possibly bring him back to Sacramento even if she wanted him to.

He pressed his face against the window, slowly registering the pain coming from his nose being bent more than it could endure.

One thing was for sure: if Lisbon was dead, he was too.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Annabeth Lisbon?"

"Hey, Annie," Van Pelt answered, "I'm sorry to bother you, but did you happen to have spoken to Teresa after she went to the airport?"

"No. Why?"

Van Pelt sighed.  
"The plane she was supposed to be on has crashed."

She heard a faint gasp, followed by a long silence – she almost doubted if the girl has fainted or something – and then heard a familiar voice again.

"Grace?"

"Thomas, hi. Did Annie tell-"

"She hasn't called us yet. I heard about it on the news but didn't realize that was Tessie's flight. Did you try to call her?"

"We did, but we can't get a reply."

She heard a low groan, almost desperate.

"I will call you back," stated Thomas, and hung up.

Van Pelt sighed, and immediately felt two pair of eyes almost burning into her.

"She hasn't called them either," stated Van Pelt, and the men sighed.  
"I don't know guys, this doesn't feel right," Rigsby said. "Why wouldn't she call if she took another plane? She would have called, the boss always calls."

Van Pelt sighed, and nodded.

"I don't want this. I don't want to live without the Boss."

"Me neither, Grace, but we have to. We have no other choice."

The phone rang, and Van Pelt almost jumped on it.

"Grace van Pelt," she stated.  
"Hi Grace, Thomas again."

Van Pelt sighed. "Hi."

"I've called James and Michael, but neither of us have heard something about Teresa. James is already on his way to the airport to hear more. We have to keep each other reported, I want to know what happened to her."

"Got it. We'll do a bit more research, if we know more we'll definitely call you."

"Keep positive, Grace. Bye," said Thomas, and hung up. Van Pelt smashed the phone down.

"She's still living, I know she is."

**_Three days later_**

_"Police officers are still looking for three missing people that were presumably on board of the Boeing 747 flight from New York to Los Angeles, the plane that crashed amidst the trees in the tight forests there three days ago. Their names are real estate manager Martin Sweets, top chef Tory Smith and CBI agent Teresa Lisbon. If the three are still alive, they probably are somewhere in the forests, trying to survive, though the chances of these people still living are getting smaller with the day. Experts say they probably aren't living anymore-"_

Cho turned off the TV.

"Hey, we were watching that-"

"Will only make you more depressed," deadpanned Cho, and walked back to his desk. Not before shooting a look at Lisbon's office. They didn't know why, but they all wanted to see her office. As if suddenly Lisbon would be there, straightening her desk because of yet another high placed ass demanding she did something. As if suddenly she would be smiling at them, even if it was a forced smile – which she did more than often.

Van Pelt sighed, and walked to her desk too, taking out the little mirror she kept in one of the drawers.

"I still don't like doing this while people don't know for sure if she's dead."

"And that's why it's called a _memorial_ service. To remember her."

"Shut up, Wayne," hissed Van Pelt. Neither of them made much sense these days, their heads were too cramped and they didn't know what they were thinking exactly. It was an emotional rollercoaster for all of them, and especially for Jane.

Speaking of the blonde pain-in-the-ass; where was he?

Van Pelt sighed desperately when she again saw Jane in Lisbon's office.

There was no need in getting him out there. Actually, there was no _use_ in that, he was so stubborn that he just wouldn't listen. But the team figured that was his way of dealing with the pain. Lisbon was an important person in all of their lives, both as a brilliant team-leader as a good friend. But they all knew, without him telling them, that Jane felt Lisbon was more than that. They both might not have known a hundred percent sure, but they sure thought about it.

Patrick Jane was in love with Teresa Lisbon. And it were moments like these that it only became clearer to everybody around him.

It scared him, hell, his feelings even scared the rest of the team. He had always told them, in these long years that he'd worked with them, that he would definitely stay alone the rest of his life. As soon as Red John would be gone, out of the picture, he would leave too, comply to the utterly lonely life he had always told he should've had. Maybe, just maybe, he would find a woman that would make him happy again. But he had never realized that that person was right in front of him, disguised as his best friend.

Van Pelt stood, straightening her pitch black dress, and walked over to Jane, who was standing in the middle of Lisbon's office again, occasionally turning and looking around.

"Jane," she said gently. She didn't want to completely scare him out of his thoughts. He could be like a sleepwalker then, if you wake one bad things can happen.

He looked up at her.  
"Are you almost ready for the memorial service?" Van Pelt asked, as gentle as before. She saw Jane faintly swallowing, and then he shook his head.  
"I'm not going."

Van Pelt internally groaned. This was going to be tougher than she'd thought.

"Come on, Jane. Don't be a child. Lisbon is dead, she's not coming back, and she would want you to go. She wouldn't want you to grief about her death-"

"I'm not going, Grace. I'm not."

Van Pelt sighed, edging desperately, and then turned around. Like she'd thought, no use in trying.

She looked at Rigsby, who nodded faintly.

"Let's go."

-YulianaHenderson-

Despite how much Jane knew Van Pelt was right, going to her memorial service just wouldn't feel right for him.

Lisbon wouldn't want him to grief. She would want him to continue his life. She wasn't even that important, so nobody would miss her.

While in fact, even after these short three days, Jane already missed her with a passion. Breathing just hurt, he couldn't cope with it anymore.

He was in his attic, nothing guilty about that, were he not carrying a knife.

He wanted to end his life. Life without Teresa Lisbon wasn't the same anymore. There would be no sun in his life, it would be dark forever and he didn't have something to light it with anymore. Maybe catching Red John, but right now, that didn't even care so much anymore.

Five times had he tried to cut his wrists in the past hour, but with no luck. Although his brains kept screaming at him to do it, his body wouldn't cooperate. Desperate tears were in his eyes.

He had to be dead. He had to kill himself. He could be with Lisbon then. Could finally tell her what was on his mind now. Though he didn't believe in the afterlife, it gave him some comfort now, comfort he needed so much.

He hated his life. Why did the people that he loved kept disappearing, leaving him in the cold and dark? When would he finally meet somebody that kept at his side, through better or worse?

This was worse.

Lisbon should be here, through better and worse. This was not right at all. He knew the chances of her still living somewhere were small, but he still believed that he would feel it if she was dead. Always the optimist. Yeah right.

He put the knife at his arm again, and flinched when his body finally cooperated and created a small thin line in his wrist, and the blood slowly dripped out of it, leaving his body like his loved ones left his life; without saying goodbye.

-YulianaHenderson-

"I'm going to check on Jane," Rigsby said when the trio arrived back in the bullpen. The other two nodded, and sat at the group table in the back of the room.

"It was a beautiful service," said Van Pelt. Cho nodded slowly.

"Would be better if it was a funeral."

"We couldn't have a funeral because we don't have her body."

Cho sighed, knowing Van Pelt was right.

"Tequila?" asked Cho, and Van Pelt nodded.

Van Pelt stared at Lisbon's empty office. It had been cleaned the day before, maybe after everybody had confirmed that Lisbon was dead. The team had fought for it though, because Bertram had wanted to shut it, make something new out of it, or worse, give it to another Senior Agent. They couldn't let that happen.

What then happened, happened very fast. Van Pelt heard Rigsby screaming from the stairs leading to the attic, a drawer slamming shut and then Cho running towards the attic too. Van Pelt frowned, she had no idea what was going on.

Cho quickly came down, his phone to his ear, but Rigsby didn't come.

"I need you to send an ambulance to the HQ of the CBI. A man cut himself, he's bleeding a lot," said Cho to the phone, and Van Pelt froze, "yes. There. Okay."

"What's wrong?"

"Jane, he cut himself in his wrists."

Van Pelt was gone with the speed of light, running up the stairs that led to the attic – strange, she'd never been there – and almost collapsed when she saw Rigsby leaning over Jane's almost lifeless body.

"Oh my gosh," she breathed, and Rigsby looked up. He was holding Jane's arm, trying to stop the bleeding.

"Don't panic, Grace, don't," he said, though he was panicking too. She could hear it in his voice.

Within a minute the paramedics arrived, and Jane was brought to the hospital.  
Now, the three were confused, and helpless. Lisbon was gone. Jane was almost gone. How could they think like this, with two of their team members lost?

-YulianaHenderson-

"Family?" asked the doctor. He walked into the hall and three people immediately jumped up. They didn't look like each other at all, so they couldn't possibly be family of each other. Maybe they were married in some way, but he didn't find that possible either since he saw no wedding band anywhere, only on the patient.

They looked at each other, and his suspicions had been confirmed.  
"I'll let you in, but only because no family has yet presented itself. For Mr. Jane, I presume?"

They all nodded.

"Come in."

They entered the hospital room, and saw Jane laying in the big hospital room. He wasn't that small, considering he was only one person away from being the tallest of the team, but this bed made him look smaller than he was.

They could clearly see he wasn't unconscious, but he didn't turn his head either to look at them. Maybe he was ashamed of what he'd done, of the way he was trying to cope with her death.

"I'm not in the mood to talk now-"

"You don't have a choice," stated Cho, and they sat down around him.

Jane sighed.  
"Though we're happy that you're still alive-"

"We're mad at you," deadpanned Cho, and Van Pelt shot him an angry look. Cho just shrugged, and leant back into his chair.

"What I was trying to say subtly before Cho interrupted me: you should have talked to us."

Jane sighed, and stared at the ceiling.  
"I didn't-"

"We don't care if you didn't want to. We don't want to lose you too, Jane. It was lame to try and kill yourself."

"Without Lisbon-"

"No, Jane. _We_ are hurting too, but we don't kill ourselves, do we?"

Jane sighed once again. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I feel so empty already."

Van Pelt grabbed his hand and squeezed it gently, well aware of the IV stuck in it. She didn't even know why they put it inside his hand, he had only almost bled to death, it wasn't like he had been- Okay, she understood why it was there, but it made this all the more realistic and she didn't want that. Neither of them wanted that.

"We know, Jane. We'll have each other now. Don't dare leaving us again."

"I won't-"

"Promise, Jane. We have to be there for each other and we can't if you keep running away from us. You're a part of our team too, despite how much you try to escape from that fact. And especially now. Lisbon wouldn't want us to fall into cold, lonely lives."

Jane groaned, and then opened his eyes. He looked around, and saw the worried eyes of the entire team – even Cho seemed to care a bit.

"Don't worry about me-"

"You're in a hospital, Jane. We have all right to worry about you."

Jane smiled faintly. "Touché."

"Until you're released from here, one of us is going to stay here. We'll switch it so everybody has been here with you. No, Jane, it's needed. We don't want you to be alone now."

Jane sighed again, though he was glad the three still cared about him that much.

"Las Vegas-"

"Is forgotten. Only now. You were stupid back then."

Jane chuckled faintly.  
"I was. I still am."

"Now go sleep, and stop thinking about suicide."

Jane nodded.

"Thank you guys," he said, and they smiled faintly.

"No problem."

-YulianaHenderson-

He wanted to sleep. Really.

He closed his eyes and once again he saw Lisbon's heavily butchered body. Oddly, the same butchered as Angela and Charlotte's bodies.

He opened his eyes, took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes again. Lisbon, underneath a plane, metal splitting her into three pieces.

His eyes shot open. He stirred in his bed.

"What now?" asked Cho. Why on earth did the three decide he was the first one to stay with Jane? Overnight?

"I can't sleep," said Jane. He heard a faint groan.

"Why not?"

"Why do you think?"

Cho huffed softly, before focusing back on his book. Jane sighed, and sat up straight. No need in sleeping now, he would only have nightmares anyway.

"What are you reading?" asked Jane. Cho looked up.

"I don't know."

"How can you be reading something-"

"I don't know, okay. I don't know what kind of book this is and I don't know what I'm reading and why. I lost her too, Jane. Maybe you haven't noticed, but I don't know how to cope with my feelings either. I want to cry, scream, yell, hit things, but I won't. Don't think you're the only one suffering."

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do. If that's your way of coping, that's fine, but don't do stupid things like trying to kill yourself. That's only a scream for attention-"

"It's not a scream for attention. She is the only light in my life, and now she's gone, though I don't want to admit that. I lost loved ones before, I didn't want to lose Lisbon too."

"But you lost her."

"And I didn't want to! I promised her that I would save her, but I failed. I failed, and now she's dead. Because of me-"

"Not because of you-"

"Yes because of me! Cho, I told her to visit her family! It's all my fault, she should've never been on that plane! She's dead, god dammit, and it's because of me!" exclaimed Jane, helplessly, hopelessly. Tears were streaming down his face already, and the machine next to him was beeping frantically because of his sped up heart rate. He hit the thing, almost breaking his hand as he did. Were he not laying in a stupid hospital bed, he would have kicked the thing until it was broken.

"It's my fault!" he cried. Cho was shocked at this sudden outrage of Jane. He had never expected him to lose it that quick, and this heavily. Jane was always one to control his emotions, even better than Cho himself sometimes, so to see Jane like this was heart-breaking considering _why_ he was like that.

He went to get a nurse, who were already rushing to check on Jane. When one of the nurses saw Jane's state, she waved to another nurse. She ran over to Jane, engaging him in an appropriate hug – though Jane couldn't care less about how appropriate it was – while the other nurse went to give him medications to calm down.

A few minutes later, Jane was staring blankly at the ceiling. The nurses had probably given him enough medication to stay like that for the next three months, but Cho was already glad Jane had calmed down.

Cho sat next to Jane, not caring about the book anymore. It was so obvious to everybody now that Jane cared too much about Lisbon. Though Cho missed her too, he could control his pain just a bit. Enough though not to lose it like Jane did.

Jane was so much in love with her that his body did what his heart told him to, not his brain. His brain was dead right now. But it wouldn't take long until his heart was dead and cold too.

There would be no living with Jane like this, and secretly, Cho wished Jane had succeeded in killing himself. He would never say that, though, because despite everything Jane had done to them, Cho still cared about the man.

"I love her so much," came suddenly the strangled voice of Jane, and Cho startled just slightly.

"I know, Jane."

Jane swallowed. Apparently, he had found a way of thinking clear despite all the medications and pain. Too much biofeedback, the given medications would probably never really work on Jane, he would find a way.

A small tear escaped Jane's eyes.

"Can you give me an overdoses so I'll die?"

* * *

**A/N: What? NOOO, Jane, you can't die or kill yourself! Trust me, this story has a happy ending! Hang on!**

**And YOU too, yeah you! Hang on! Let me know, in the meantime, what you thought about this chapter. In a REVIEW, please! And thank you in advance! And oh, you don't ****_have_**** to sign in to review, you can also leave one anonymously!**


	3. Chapter Two

**A/N: This chapter is less sad than the previous one :D.**

**And I'm not really creative with thinking of an Author's Note, so I'll just skip to the disclaimer and then the chapter :D.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

Cho had told Van Pelt and Rigsby what had happened to Jane. He was calm about it, but they could read in his eyes that he was genuinely worried about Jane.

It was understandable, they all were. Maybe it was best that Jane lost it like this, they got to think about something other than their own pain. That was the last thing they wanted to think about.

Now, Rigsby was sitting next to Jane. Jane had grabbed the man's hand immediately when Rigsby sat down beside him. But Rigsby didn't feel awkward because of this. Jane needed someone now, didn't matter who, and Rigsby was closest.

Unfortunately, Rigsby couldn't do anything now that his hand was intertwined with Jane's. So the only thing he could do was look at the man who was – seemingly – peacefully sleeping.

A nurse entered the room, to check on Jane, and smiled weakly at Rigsby.

"It's sad, isn't it?" she asked, and Rigsby startled at the fact that she'd started talking to him. He faintly nodded.

"True love."

Rigsby huffed despite how right these words were.

"Funny thing is that neither of them admitted their feelings before she passed away."

"Oh. Well, that's unfortunate."

Rigsby smiled faintly.  
"Well, I would be flattered if a man lost it like that because I died. It's a bit melancholic, yes, but beautiful nevertheless. Though I wouldn't want him to be sad that long. I would want him to find another woman and fall in love again."

"That would be the third time for him."

The nurse frowned.  
"Third?"

"He had a family before he met Lisbon. They were killed."

The nurse sighed, and looked at Jane. "Poor man."

Rigsby nodded. The nurse continued checking Jane, before smiling faintly at Rigsby and then leaving the room.

Rigsby slightly squeezed Jane's hand. Rigsby would have really felt awkward if Cho held his hand like this. But the reason Jane was this silent and peaceful was not okay. Nobody would put Jane in a situation like this.

If he hadn't hit the machine though, he would've been out already. Now that the hospital staff doubted his sanity, they wanted to keep him there just a little longer, undoubtedly to protect him from himself.

Van Pelt appeared in the door opening, a soft smile on her lips.

"He's sleeping," stated Rigsby. Van Pelt rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for that, Captain Obvious."

Rigsby smiled.

He stood, but when he let go of Jane's hand, he woke up, already freaking out.

"Lisbon?" crooked Jane. Van Pelt sighed, and walked to his side, gently brushing his cheek.

"No, Jane, it's me, Grace, and Wayne."

Jane sighed when he looked up into Van Pelt's amber eyes, and she saw him swallowing to get rid of the lump in his throat.

He opened his mouth to say something, but he couldn't, his voice broken. Tears were already threatening to fall, and Van Pelt sighed.  
"Sleep, Jane. Please. I will be here when you're having a bad dream. I promise," she whispered, and Jane took in a deep breath, before closing his eyes again.

Van Pelt nodded at Rigsby, as if to say _I got it_, and he nodded back, before leaving the room.

Van Pelt spent minutes on looking at Jane. This was a real-life example of what love could do to you. She'd seen it in movies, lots of times, but had thought it was rubbish. You couldn't possibly kill yourself because of love, could you? Tales like Romeo and Julliet had never been realistic to her.

But now, here he was. Jane. Hopelessly in love with Lisbon. Who had died. Just like his first wife had. He was lucky that there was somebody there for him now. When Angela had died, he had been all alone. She didn't know much about what happened between his family's deaths and the day he signed in with the CBI – she knew Lisbon knew almost everything, but unfortunately, the woman had never been so kind to tell her – but she did know he was all alone back then. Not that Jane really wanted people to help him; 'he was a monster, he didn't deserve caring and loving people around him any more.'

He had people now. People who cared about him.

Van Pelt had already forgotten her own feelings. They were so not important when one of her friends was in the hospital because of _his_ feelings. She had always known feelings could get you killed. Craig had almost killed her, and Lisbon, and if he had the chance also Hightower and her children. Thank God she shot and killed the man. But it were her feelings that had really almost killed Lisbon. Because while Van Pelt had been kneeling next to Craig, Lisbon had been shot in her arm without anyone checking if she would survive or not.

"Do you think she loved me?" asked Jane, and Van Pelt startled. She hadn't seen him wake up, too lost in thoughts.

She sighed almost immediately when his question sank in. She hadn't heard anything about Jane asking these questions to Cho or Rigsby. Why did he ask _her_ these questions?

"Yes, she did."

Jane sighed, and ran a hand through his hair.  
"Why didn't I tell her when she was still alive?"

Van Pelt shrugged. She knew about his feelings, hell, everybody in the entire HQ knew. People were already picturing how Jane and Lisbon's wedding would be; probably small and without many people because Lisbon wouldn't want a major wedding. But this happened all behind their backs, of course. There were even bets going round about _how_ and _when_ the two would get together. Sure nobody knew that they would actually _never_ get together. Van Pelt knew about these bets, but she didn't want to get too involved. She didn't want to stick her nose where it didn't belong; and her boss' life was certainly off limits.

She knew she'd failed in staying out of Jane and Lisbon's love life – of lack thereof – when Lisbon had told Van Pelt about her feelings for Jane. Not intentionally, of course, but yoga did that to you. You didn't think about what you said. And somewhere deep down, Van Pelt was happy Lisbon had told her.

"She loved you, Jane. She loved you very much. And she knew you loved her too. Both of you were afraid. And I get that completely, I would be too if somebody kills the people around me that I love. I should know, I lost my fiancée because of your nemesis. But I can help you with that: she did love you. And I'm sure she still does, wherever she is."

She grabbed his hand, and squeezed it gently.

"Don't blame yourself for what's happening right now. You can be sad, but you have to move on eventually, despite how much you resist against it. Trust me, I can know," she said, and Jane smiled faintly.

"I'm not sure I can live without her," whispered Jane. Van Pelt nodded.  
"I know. But you're not alone, Jane. We're here to help you, through everything. Even if I'll have to hold your hand the rest of your life. If that helps you cope with it, that's only fair to me. We're here to help each other."

Jane nodded, and Van Pelt swallowed when she saw he was fighting tears again.

"Don't think about her dead body now, Jane. Think about her smile. She had a beautiful smile, hadn't she?" she asked, in an attempt to change the subject. Jane smiled faintly, and nodded.

"She had. And when she smiled, that beautiful dimple appeared. I loved that dimple."

"Yes! And her hair that seemed to grow more beautifully with the day."

Jane nodded, a small smile on his face.

"And she treated you like a child. It was not funny to you, but it was to us."

Jane chuckled, and Van Pelt felt tears pricking in her eyes. He chuckled, finally, even if that meant _she_ would be crying.

He squeezed her hand.

"Thank you, Grace," he said, and closed his eyes. The small smile was still on his face, and Van Pelt watched him falling into a deep, nameless slumber. She crashed down on the chair – still holding his hand – and cried. It hurt more than it should have hurt.

**_The next day_**

_"The families and friends of the other deceased passengers have in the meantime arranged a meeting, to cry and grief about their passed away loved ones-"_

"Who puts this damned TV on?" cursed Rigsby as he once again turned off the TV. Probably one of the nurses. They didn't understand the pain all four of them suffered.

He turned the TV off, and turned towards the bed again. Van Pelt was sitting on the bed, her legs folded underneath her, and she was holding Jane's hand. They were happily talking about all the good times they had had with Lisbon, and with the rest of the team.

It were emotional days, for all of them, even for Cho. But they started to give Lisbon's death a place. It was difficult, but they didn't have another choice. Lisbon wouldn't just walk into the room, saying _Hi, sorry I didn't call you! Now, get back to work or I'll kick your lazy asses out of here_.

Though Jane was coping less great than the rest of the team. Where their tears started to dry, Jane's tears still fell freely and it didn't look like he was finding peace with it.

The grieving process went by with a lot of tears at first, but now more smiles came, which subconsciously triggered tears, but they didn't see them anymore.

They had all been given the week off. Not that if they had to go to work, they would've come. They couldn't be productive anyways.

It was unbelievable how one's death brought them so much closer. They found out things about each other that would never have been revealed. The team even found out about Jane's past. _Everything_ about his past. About the carnie life, running away with Angela, the last show and then finding his family, his break-down – he had admitted that he'd only told Lisbon about that – and then the mixed feelings when he'd started at the CBI.

Especially Van Pelt was happy he started sharing these things. Not that she wanted to know it that badly, but she thought that knowing things about one's past did a lot to understand one's wills and thoughts.

Jane pulled Van Pelt closer again, to engage her in a tight hug, her now laying next to him on the bed. He did that a lot these days. He needed the psychical contact, even if it wasn't from the person he'd wanted it from so much. All of this had changed him, he had opened up and had allowed people to finally help him – and touch him – and he wouldn't shy away from them anymore – though 'shy' wasn't the right word to describe Patrick Jane.

Jane gently kissed her shoulder, and Van Pelt sighed.

"I'll go ask the nurse when you'll be allowed to leave," said Cho, throwing away the book he had been trying to read all day but couldn't because of the somewhat loud cheering of Jane and Van Pelt. The three nodded.

Rigsby continued with throwing the little ball he had found somewhere against the wall.

"You know, Thomas called me this morning. Said he wanted to see Jane."

Jane pulled away from Van Pelt, and sat up straight.

"Why me?"

"Uh, isn't that obvious? You were the man she was in love with. I can understand him completely."

Jane smiled.

"Well, I'm glad that he finally accepts it."

Rigsby rolled his eyes, but continued with the ball.

"Why don't you call him back, Jane?" Van Pelt asked when Jane laid back onto the bed again. Jane sighed, and shrugged.  
"I can't."

"Why not-"

"News flash: I'm still here in the hospital because I can't cope with my feelings. I don't believe I will help neither him, nor Annabeth nor James and Michael if I call them now."

Van Pelt sighed, and laid down too. She turned only her head to look at Jane.

"But I _do_ believe that you should call, Jane. Their sister just died, and you may be the only thing that reminds them of her."

Jane cringed.

"That's just-"

"True?"

"No, plain wrong."

"Nothing is wrong when you're grieving, Jane. You should know," she said, motioning to his hand where Angela's wedding ring was still shining away. Jane sighed, and lowered his head.  
"Fine. I'll call Thomas."

-YulianaHenderson-

"Van Pelt?" she stated when she answered her phone.

"Darcy."

Van Pelt sighed quietly. It was a bit late, she had to admit, but she knew it would happen one day.

She didn't like the FBI at all. They thought they had all jurisdiction. Which they had, in a sense, but they didn't have to act powerful around a meaningless bureau. Because, in a way, that was what the CBI was; a poor orphan. And the FBI was the rich owner of the orphanage.

How ironic that Van Pelt used Lisbon's way of explaining things, especially now.

"I heard about Lisbon. I'm really sorry for you, Van Pelt."

Van Pelt rolled her eyes. "Thank you."

"How's Jane doing?" _Does she really care?_

"Fine, considering the circumstances." She leaves the fact that he almost killed himself out of everything. The FBI looks for every opportunity to take over the Red John case and take all the credit for all the work the CBI had done. And the FBI wouldn't shy away from completely denying that the CBI had ever worked on it. Everybody believed the FBI.

"Good. Look, we respect the fact that you don't come into work, but you know that we still have one of Red John's apprentices in custody. Do you want to do anything with her or not?"

Van Pelt sighed. Cho looked at her, and she mouthed _Darcy_, which caused the man to faintly roll his eyes. It was difficult to spot, but Van Pelt knew where to look.

He reached out his hand and took the phone from her.

"Cho."

"Darcy."

It was silent for a moment – Cho and Agent Darcy had, in essense, the same personality, so it was not surprising that it crashed sometimes. And especially now. Now that Cho was the new team-leader – even if he didn't want it – he and Darcy were even more alike.

"I can't stop you if you want the Red John case," Cho suddenly said. He heard the distinctive sound of somebody who was quite impressed at the other end of the phone.

"I know you can't. But you also know that I don't need your permission if I took it."

"I know."

Darcy sighed. "I _am_ going to take the Red John case from you, but I want to talk to Jane first, if that's possible."

Cho stood and passed the phone to Jane, who had only just woken up.

"Patrick Jane."

"Darcy," the agent said, and Jane could hear she was getting tired of stating her name so many times.

"Ah, Susan. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"No funny stuff, Patrick. I want to talk to you about the Red John case."

Normally, Jane would sit up straight at even the mention of the bastard, but he found he didn't really care. Not now, anyways.

"What about it?"

"We're taking over. We get Lorelei and we'll do the interrogations-"

"Okay."

Darcy was silent for a few seconds. "Okay?"

"Yes, okay. Make sure you catch the bastard and bring him to justice for me, okay? Make sure you make him pay for Angela and Charlotte."

Jane heard Darcy hesitate for few more seconds, and he couldn't contain his small smile. The fact that everybody thought Jane would genuinely die when he lost the Red John-case was heart warming to him. Really, he was more busy with grieving Lisbon's death than anything else. He couldn't believe himself either at first, but it was what was true, and what was right for him; Red John was history. For now. Maybe forever, but he wasn't sure about that yet. But for now, Red John doesn't deserve it anymore.

Besides, the FBI hasn't lost an agent, so they can continue where the CBI left off. It was for the best.

"Did she really mean so much to you?" Darcy asked, and Jane sighed.

"She did. More than you may ever know."

He heard Darcy sighing. "I will keep you posted-"

"That's not necessary. Don't feel pressured. I will see it in the news if you got him."

"Are you sure you're fine-"

"I just gave you the Red John case without complaining, Susan. I would run away before I changed my mind."

"Patrick, I-"

"I don't want to hear a thing about it. I thought about this for a long time, and this is my decision. You can have him. He's all yours."

Darcy sighed. "I don't understand."

"You think _I_ do? I have no idea what I'm feeling. One day, Red John is everything in my life, and now Lisbon is. I'm genuinely dead on the inside, even more than I have ever been before."

"I understand, Patrick. I... You have to know I didn't expect you to accept so easily. But I will definitely catch him for you. And for Agent Lisbon."

"Thank you, Susan. I appreciate that," Jane said. They said their goodbyes and hung up. The team looked at Jane almost expectantly.

"The FBI gets the Red John case. And Lorelei."

The team sighed silently, but Jane shook his head.  
"No really, it's okay. I never thought that _I_ would be the one that cared the less about the case."

"But Jane, we worked so hard for it-"

"And now the FBI continues where we left off. I thought you were a cop, Grace? You should never endanger yourself. You're not focused and that could get you all killed."

The team huffed. Jane sounded too much like Lisbon.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Thanks for dropping by, guys," Van Pelt said to the equally brown-haired men in Jane's hospital room. They all smiled faintly at her.

This was way too awkward, and everybody sensed it. Rigsby and Cho had already left the hospital to escape the major awkwardness of this situation, but Van Pelt had promised Jane to stay.

The Lisbons were sitting in different chairs, just staring somehow at Jane. This was the man that personified their sister's fantasies. She had never told the team, but apparently she had told her brothers when she was in New York. Maybe she felt her death coming? Who knew?

Thomas had been less awkward the first time he'd met Jane. And Jane would normally know immediately _why_, but now, he didn't care actually. Though he did notice the slight change in the single father's attitude towards him.

"Did you tell her?" James, the eldest, suddenly asked. Everybody turned towards him, shocked that he was so straight-forward.

Jane just looked at his lap, obviously ashamed, and shook his head.

"I should have told her. I promised to protect her-"

"But you tried-"

"And I failed. I failed. I... failed. And now she's dead."

Though everybody knew Lisbon's death wasn't Jane's fault, they didn't exactly have enough motivation to tell him otherwise. Besides, Jane could be out of character now, he still was hell set on getting what _he_ wanted, which was the confirmation that he was in fact guilty for Lisbon's death. Indirectly, of course.

The three Lisbons looked at each other, at a loss for words, momentarily.

Jane saw.

"Top drawer of my desk," he said, and they all frowned. Then, Van Pelt realized what he meant and nodded, grabbing her phone to call the boys.

"What about it?" Thomas asked.

"You'll see when my colleagues get back."

The three pinched the bridge of their noses, before looking at Jane, and rolling their eyes.

"I have absolutely no idea what Teresa saw in you," Michael deadpanned, and the other two nodded, agreeing.

Jane just smiled faintly. Honestly, he didn't know what she saw in him either. He was a worthless piece of shit, he couldn't give her anything but trouble, but still she trusted him, and worked with him and showed him her love even if she didn't realize it. Van Pelt cared about Jane too, but she didn't act half as caring as Lisbon did. Which ultimately proved to Jane that what he didn't want to happen, happened. She had fallen for him, and he for her. The gate to his lonely heart had been locked, but she had opened it and that was not what he'd wanted.

But it happened. So he could do nothing else than focus on the feelings that Lisbon triggered inside him – even if she wasn't here to witness them.

Within minutes, Rigsby stood in the hospital room again, something in his hand but they couldn't exactly make out _what_ it was. He gave it to Jane, who nodded, a slight smile on his face.

"Watch and learn, my friends," he said, and opened the what seemed like a with velvet covered box. They had suspicions what was in it, but they didn't dare hope.

He opened it, and passed it to the nearest person in the room, which was James. He looked inside, and his eyes widened faintly, before looking at Jane, one eyebrow already raised. Thomas grabbed the box out of James' hands, and then mimicked James' expression.

"A _ring_?" Thomas asked, incredulously. Jane smiled.

"Yes, dear Thomas, a ring."

"How long did you have it?" Van Pelt asked, without looking at the ring. She knew it would be far too expensive, and that if Jane would ever pop the question, Lisbon would definitely get rid of the ring. Lisbon wouldn't doubt though when answering it, and she would really say yes, despite how much she told the rest how she hated Jane.

It was quite sad that Jane had never actually popped the question. Van Pelt wasn't sure if she was the only one who knew, but she knew that Jane had wanted to ask it for a long time now. But it was just something that couldn't, or shouldn't, happen. Even if Jane would want it with all his heart. It just couldn't.

Jane shrugged.  
"Don't know anymore. A long time, that's what I know. I think, but I'm not sure, that it was after that bomb that was strapped to her body."

The brothers' eyes widened.

"What bomb?" Michael asked, his voice a bit panicked, but Jane waved it away.

"It was nothing, she survived. It took a little swearing from her side to make sure _I_ survived too, but we both did," Jane said, and looked at his lap again when the words he had just spoken sank in a but. "She survived..."

"But I'm glad that she had someone like you to watch after her."

Jane forced a smile on his face, and Van Pelt noticed. She gently moved the three out of Jane's room, offering to get dinner together, while she left Jane alone with his disturbing thoughts.

* * *

**A/N: I know that this chapter is really bad, but there is a reason that the genres of this story are Hurt/Comfort; in every hurt, there is comfort. This is comfort, isn't it? I do think it is.**

**And I don't really think that Jane has bought Lisbon a ring, but I thought it was cute for this story :D.**

**Let me know what you think in a REVIEW, thank you!**

**OH! And next chapter will have Lisbon! *yay* Excited? Let me know! :D (She's more transparent than ever... That's what I can say about it :D)**


	4. Chapter Three

**A/N: Right, here it is! The next chapter of this bad awful story :D.**

**Like I said, Lisbon will be in this chapter, but I'm sure I'm gonna disappoint most of you with ****_how_**** I put her in this chapter. Oh well :D.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

Van Pelt gently squeezed Jane's hand as they arrived at the little group formed around the fresh grave. She had felt the way Jane shuddered as soon as they'd seen the tombstone, and instantly knew he was feeling just a bit guilty about this all.

Jane looked at her quickly, and she flashed him a small smile, squeezing his hand once again.

Agent Darcy waved at the team, and they all came to stand next to her. She eyed Jane, who was only just allowed to get out of the hospital for short periods of time – which was not longer than a day, but he could go outside and that was what mattered.

Jane looked like crap; he hadn't exactly done his hair really great, there were major bags under his eyes, and his once so shining eyes were cold. Van Pelt could see the shudders running over Darcy's back.

"It's not your fault, you know that, don't you? Red John gets everyone he wants, so even Wainwright."

She looked at the tombstone again. _Luther Wainwright, forever in our hearts._

"I called him a child. A pathetic little boy. I insulted him and the last thing he remembered of me was me being mean and coldhearted. I've never been fair, to nobody, but especially not to him. He didn't deserve what I did to him," Jane said, surprisingly saying more about the deceased Supervising Agent than everybody would have thought. Though it was more than nine months ago, it still bothered him. Even the almighty Patrick Jane would feel guilty about it. He was not a monster. Not anymore.

The team looked at the tombstone. They knew how Jane felt now about basically everything. About Lisbon, Angela, Charlotte, about being in the hospital, and about Wainwright, obviously. It bothered him so much, not more than Lisbon but enough for the team to be utterly annoyed by it.

"That's really nice, Patrick, but Wainwright won't hear it now. You should have thought about it _before_ you insulted him."

"It was part of my plan. If I didn't insult him, I would've spent these six months alongside Lisbon, and I wouldn't have hurt her too."

Darcy slightly rolled her eyes, and then looked at the team who kept wisely out of the conversation. "Does that happen a lot? That you start about something or someone and that he turns it into something about agent Lisbon?"

The three nodded, and Darcy sighed.

"You know what your problem is, Patrick? You dwell in the past. You don't think about the future, that's off-limits for you. You just don't want to be happy," Darcy said, and focused back on the tombstone. Jane stared at her.

"Excuse me?"  
"Am I wrong? Patrick, the love of your life died. While it's okay to cry, you have to _move on_. Stop living in the past, just because Angela, Charlotte and Lisbon are still there. Stop it, Patrick-"

"I-"

"No," Darcy said simply, turned around and left the grave, leaving the team in a slight confusion.  
"What got into her?" Van Pelt asked. The team just shrugged.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Calm down, Grace," Rigsby said at the other end of the phone.

Van Pelt was sitting in her apartment, hyperventilating and not at all sure what she was supposed to do.

One moment, she was peacefully sleeping, dreaming about Lisbon. She did that a lot, subconsciously. It made her feel relaxed, apparently, it made her somewhat happier than she could be when she ignored the pain of her death.

The other, she was sitting in a plane, Lisbon smiling next to her. They were happily talking about the men in their lives, about Matt from the mailroom, about Jane, about all the men that Van Pelt wanted but never could get. Then, a loud crack came, and the plane dissolved into a fireball and she woke up, sitting up straight in her bed, sweating everywhere and her breath accelerated. She didn't have control over her breath anymore.

She knew so bad that she couldn't be alone right now, but she was stubborn. Lisbon's death was a week ago now, sure she would be over it. Not, apparently.

The first one she could think of to call was Rigsby, though she knew it was mean of her to put this on him. But she couldn't call Jane if she wanted him to live, Cho wouldn't understand, so Rigsby was the only one she could call.

She hadn't said anything though, only panted, and that made Rigsby freak out too.

"Grace, listen to me. Take in a deep breath, okay?"

Van Pelt did as Rigsby told her.

"Lay down and think about something happy. Think about Benjamin, I don't care. Something not Lisbon related. Do you have something?"

Van Pelt swallowed.  
"Yes," she breathed, picturing her father, teaching her how to throw a ball in the right direction.

"Okay. Bend your knees, and place one of your hands on your belly. Yes?"

"Yes," Van Pelt managed to blur out, her voice high-pitched.

"Take a deep breath and let your belly push your hand out."

Van Pelt did, and she instantly felt relaxed. She had to give Rigsby a gift to thank him.

After a few minutes, her breathing had calmed down and she was shaking softly by the force of what had just happened.

She heard a breath of relief coming out Rigsby when he heard too that her breathing had become somewhat normal.

"You're gonna kill me one day, Grace," Rigsby said, his voice shaken a bit. Van Pelt let out a shaky laugh.

"I will come and get you," Rigsby said. Van Pelt shook her head.  
"That's not-"  
"You didn't really think I was gonna let you stay alone right now, did you? There will be no discussion. Sarah will stay with Benjamin, I'm coming for you _right now_," Rigsby said, and hung up.

Van Pelt sighed. She hated to be found the patient. It made her feel weak and she didn't want to be weak – even though she showed weakness more than she intended. In a team with Cho, Rigsby and Lisbon, it was hard to be yourself. Really, they were strong, and they were all masculine, even Lisbon. Van Pelt had always been a girly-girl, and cops weren't that at all. She wanted nothing else than run around in skirts all day, but that just wasn't practical when catching bad guys. And she always envied the guys; they weren't pulled back by their pony tails.

Rigsby arrived sooner than she had thought, and she was still on the floor, not being able to find the strength to get up.

Rigsby came to stand beside her, looking down at her.

"Now, what do I do with you?" he asked, and she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks for your understanding."

Rigsby shook his head.

"No, really, I understand. Of all people, I wouldn't have imagined _you_ to be laying on the floor. More Jane, or me. You were so understanding with Jane, I thought you had found peace with everything already. Apparently, not so much," he said, offering her his hand, which she gladly took.

She again let out a shaky breath when she tried to stand on her legs, which had apparently lost all use. Rigsby swung his arm around her, keeping her upright.  
"Yeah, you're staying at my place," Rigsby concluded, leading her to his car outside. He grabbed the suitcase she had always present – which was honestly a necessity when you were law enforcement and were away from home quite a lot – and put it in the trunk of his car.

When Rigsby drove away, he noticed Van Pelt's slight blush at the fact that Rigsby took her with him now, and offered her to stay at his place. He shook his head.  
"I held Jane's hand. Nothing shames me anymore."

-YulianaHenderson-

Silence.

That was pretty much all Jane heard. And where he always wanted silence in his life, not right now.

He clutched his chest, as if the pain in his chest got less by doing that. He let out a somewhat shaky sigh.

"Hey," a familiar voice said, and Jane's head shot up. In the corner of the dimly lit hospital room was none other than Teresa Lisbon standing.

Jane, for a second, doubted his sanity, was on the edge of screaming for the nurses, when he realized that this must be something he himself created to cope with everything.

"Hey yourself," Jane replied. Lisbon rolled her eyes.

"Why are you in the hospital?" Lisbon asked. Jane paused for a bit, and looked at her. She looked even more beautiful than she always did.

"You're not real."

"Of course not. I'm a phantom. An illusion. A phantasm."

Jane frowned. "Phantasm?"

Lisbon shrugged. "Don't ask me, you made it up."  
Jane sighed, looked outside through the average hospital windows, to the scenery there. Nobody seemed to stop doing their things after Lisbon died, while they should all be grieving.  
"That's nonsense, Jane. You're the only drama queen here," Lisbon said, addressing what he said about the rest of the world. Jane smiled faintly.

"Why are you here?"

"And I ask you again: Why are you in the hospital?"

"Because _you_ are dead. You thought I could just continue my life like nothing happened, Lisbon?"

Lisbon shrugged. "I hoped so."

"Well, you hoped incorrectly. I can't live without you, Lisbon. You're everything to me-"

"You know too that that's just stupid, right?" Lisbon interrupted. Jane crooked an eye at her.

"What?"  
"This complete play that you seem to perform. Do you really think I'll come back when you act like this? You're freaking hallucinating, Jane. Why would you hallucinate over me?"

"Because I love you."

"Stop it Jane-"

"And I'm in love with you."

Lisbon stared at him. "You _do_ realize that you just told a ghost that you're in love with her?"

Jane shrugged. "I've told stupider people. I told Lorelei."

Lisbon again stared at him, but now one eyebrow raised. Did he see hurt in her eyes?

"You told Lorelei?"

Jane smiled an innocent smile. "Why, you a little jealous, Lisbon?"  
"I'm not jealous. You wish."

"Really? Not even a bit-"

"Mr. Jane?"

Jane took his eyes off Lisbon – though reluctantly – and saw a nurse standing in the doorway. He sighed.  
"Whom were you talking to?" she asked.

"Lisbon," Jane answered simply, and the nurse frowned a bit, before she got her phone and began calling people while leaving the room.

"They think you're crazy," Lisbon said, and Jane looked at her.

"Says you."

"Hey, I'm a part of _your_ mind. _I_ can't be crazy," she said, raising her hands. Jane smiled.

"Why are you here, Lisbon?"

Lisbon sighed, and walked over to him. She sat down on the edge of his bed.

"Because your mind is trying to find a way to cope with my death. Trust me, if I was really here, I would've kicked your ass because it's stupid. But..."

She paused, and looked him into his eyes, "but since I'm not really here, I think I'm free to say that... that despite finding it entirely stupid that you act like this, I..."

She looked down at her lap, and Jane swallowed.  
"I love you, Patrick," Lisbon whispered, and Jane closed his eyes. What was wrong with him?

**_The next day_**

"Grace, could you hold Ben for a moment?" Sarah asked as she barged into the living room. Van Pelt felt awkward at first, since she still had some feelings for Rigsby, but Rigsby had feelings for Sarah and they even had a child together, but it left her mind rather quickly. It felt great to be surrounded by people, and not to be alone when she was having a tough time. And though Rigsby wouldn't admit it, he was happy she was here too.

They were in such a difficult love triangle.

Van Pelt nodded, and took the little boy from Sarah. Her heart clenched.

She wanted a family of her own so badly.

This was what she and Lisbon talked about. They had the same problem: a child wish, but no man. They could always start a family together... no, that was so _not_ an option.

Where Van Pelt's wish to start a family was more obvious – she almost melted with every young couple that passed them – Lisbon's need was less obvious, and therefore, no one knew of it. She should have told Jane, though. He was the only one Lisbon wanted to do that with. Van Pelt didn't get _what_ Lisbon saw exactly in Jane, but Van Pelt also knew that Lisbon never went for 'easy and uncomplicated'. That made a relationship much better, Lisbon had always told Van Pelt. What relationship? She hadn't had a proper one since... Greg. And that had ended when she was eighteen.

Van Pelt brushed the boy's cheeks gently. He was fast asleep, oblivious to all the problems his father and the people around his father were coping with. Van Pelt was glad. Sarah cared, though, but not enough to actually be of use for the grieving process.

Sarah and Rigsby barged into the living room at the same time then, almost crushing each other as they did. Sarah was holding Benjamin's pacifier and a bottle, Rigsby the phone.

Sarah hurried – she was _way_ too stressed – to Van Pelt and Benjamin, while Rigsby ran a hand through his hair.  
"Grace, do you see any way in coming with me to the hospital? Jane, he..."

Van Pelt sighed. Couldn't that man just accept the fact that Lisbon was dead? He was genuinely ripping the team of their right grieving process.

"What now?"

"Don't be so mean. He started hallucinating."

-YulianaHenderson-

Jane's doctor was already awaiting Rigsby and Van Pelt, behind him Cho, his arms crossed.  
"Great, you're all here. It turns out we did well with keeping Mr. Jane-"

"What is wrong with him?" Van Pelt cut in, and the doctor raised his hand.

"Let me finish, Miss van Pelt. Now, I consulted one of our therapists for Mr. Jane. I'm just a doctor, not a psychologist. But this is what he told me. Every person grieves in his own way. For Mr. Cho here, you can't see on the outside that he's grieving. You all cope quite well with the loss of Miss Lisbon, but Mr. Jane doesn't. There is a thin line between grief and a depression. Grieving can consist of different feelings, such as shock, disbelief, sadness, guilt, anger and fear. If I'm right, Mr. Jane went through all these feelings. Grief goes away after time. If it doesn't, though, it may signal that the grief has developed into a more serious problem, such as complicated grief or major depression," the doctor explained. The three looked at him, not knowing exactly where he was going to - or they knew, but didn't want it to be real.

"So?"  
"Complicated grief has symptoms as extreme anger or bitterness over the loss and intrusive thoughts or images of the loved one. I checked Mr. Jane's record: after his family died, he was suffering from complicated grief. Not many people were there to help him over it, so he kept in that tunnel. Now that he was already in that state, the death of Miss Lisbon was the final straw for him. We've been checking Mr. Jane's reactive power lately. One prominent symptom of depression is slow speech and body movements. Though there's nothing wrong his ability to talk, as everybody might know, he is slower than he was before which made us a bit worried. Now that he began seeing Miss Lisbon at the other end of his room, we knew for sure that Mr. Jane is in a depression."

The three stared at the doctor, taking in so many information. They were flabbergasted. Jane was not good in showing his real emotions, but he didn't seem depressed to them.  
"But he keeps making jokes-"  
"Which are not from him. He only repeats what the people around him say. Did you have a pleasurable or happy moment after Miss Lisbon's death?" the doctor asked. The team looked at each other, and then all nodded.

"There was a little girl that dropped by me and asked if I wanted to buy cookies from her," Van Pelt said.  
"I enjoy every minute with my son Benjamin and my girlfriend Sarah," Rigsby explained. They turned towards Cho, who shrugged.  
"I'm not telling mine."

"That's not necessary. You see, in a natural grieving process, the person will have moments of pleasure or happiness. They may be rare, but they are evident. With a depression, on the other hand, the feelings of emptiness and despair are constant. Me and one of our therapists have examined Mr. Jane for a few days now. As his doctor, I'm unbiased. We saw that his smiles are forced, his eyes are full of pain."

Van Pelt nodded. "Can he come home?"

"He can, for now. He has to come with one of you, though. Precautions. When he forms a threat for himself or you, we advise you to bring him back to us."  
"I understand."

"I assume you'll be the person to take care of him? He trusts you the most," the doctor said. Van Pelt looked at Rigsby and Cho, who nodded.  
"We'll be supporting you when you'll need it, Grace," Rigsby said, and Van Pelt sighed.  
"He'll come with me."

"Great. I must ask you, Miss van Pelt-"

"Grace."

"Okay, Grace: Are you _sure_ you're ready for it? What happened to Mr. Jane here is nothing compared to what might happen to him at home."

"I'm a police officer, I'm-"

"Human? I'm afraid I'm deadly serious, Grace. Taking care of stubborn children is easier than taking care of Mr. Jane in this state."

Van Pelt nodded. "And I'm serious too. He'll come with me."

The doctor reached in his clear white doctor's coat and got her his card.

"If something is wrong, doesn't matter what, call me. I'll be able to tell you what to do. Don't do rash things like trying to figure out yourself. Okay?"

Van Pelt nodded.

"See after him, Grace. Good luck."

-YulianaHenderson-

On the way from the hospital, Van Pelt and Jane had stopped by Jane's apartment to gather some of his clothes and then drove to her place.

This was something so very different than these moments in the hospital. She had laid in his bed then, but it felt different. The rest of the team was there, it just felt more comforting to her. She had always seen Jane as the brother she'd never had. Even if they didn't see eye to eye sometimes, she really cared about him, and she knew he about her.

She tried to make dinner with him. She explained everything he had to do, but he would just stare at the things as if it was the first time he ever cooked, had even ever seen these things. Van Pelt gave up eventually, settling him in her couch and finishing the dinner herself.

When they were done eating, Van Pelt had put on the TV and switched to the crime channel – she figured that added up to both their depressed mood. She watched, slightly bored, as Gibbs' team solved yet another murder. It looked so easy on TV, she had to admit. It was much more difficult in real life.

"Grace?" Jane suddenly asked, startling her. He hadn't said anything since she'd taken him outside of the hospital, had just stared in front of him, occasionally looking over at her. She hadn't expected him to say anything either, and she didn't even _want_ him to talk, since the only thing on Jane's mind was Lisbon and she didn't want to think about her.  
"Yes, Jane?"

"What do you know about Lisbon?" Jane asked, his voice small. Van Pelt sighed, thinking of dodging the question and retiring to bed, when she realized that he would probably probe until he got his answers.

She put the TV on mute, and turned towards him. "How much do _you_ know about her?"

She wasn't sure if this was a smart move, since she already knew the possibility of him shutting down was big, but she had to know. She wasn't sure with whom Lisbon shared more.

She had no idea what had happened between these moments they sat on Jane's hospital bed, happily cheering about Lisbon, and Jane now sitting here on her couch, utterly depressed and on the edge of breaking.

Jane shrugged. "Her mother was killed in a car accident when Lisbon was only twelve. Her father became an alcoholic after that, blaming his children for her death, and when he died two years after that, Lisbon and her brothers vanished into the system. When Lisbon was old enough, she began to take care of her brothers herself. That's what I know."

His voice was as deadpanned as Cho's, even better. How long would it take before the entire team would talk like Cho?

It was somewhat funny how Jane knew everything from before police academy, and Van Pelt everything from after. She wasn't sure which one was better to know. Lisbon had endured a lot in her life.

"You?"

Van Pelt swallowed. "Everything from the moment she signed in at the police academy. Her break-up with Greg, the people that still tried to separate her and her brothers, the...," she paused, before she gathered the strength to talk again – they entered the personal zone now, and she wasn't even sure Jane knew it – and cocked her head to the side, in an attempt to make the next thing less audible, "her affair with Bosco."

She saw a faint flicker in Jane's eyes, and she swallowed. It was the prove that there was still something living inside him. He wasn't completely dead.

Jane slowly leant back against the backrest of the couch – it wasn't an expensive one, but it looked like it – and closed his eyes.  
"I shouldn't be here. I should be with Lisbon."

"That's not true, Jane, and you know that too."

Jane sighed, opened his eyes to rapidly blink them.

"You tired?" Van Pelt asked, and Jane shrugged.

"I have two bedrooms; mine and a guestroom. You can pick if you want," Van Pelt said, and got up. Jane hesitated a bit, before following her.

Eventually, Jane had settled on the guestroom – he wouldn't sleep anyways so it didn't matter _where_ he was going to suffer from insomnia – and Van Pelt had left the man alone.

She hoped he would be able to find some rest. Now that they weren't in the safe confines of the hospital, she knew it would be more difficult for him. She wasn't entirely sure if she could deal with him being depressed in her bed.

When she almost drifted into sleep though, she heard a faint knocking on the door, and she sighed.

She wished silently that she could switch with Lisbon now.

* * *

**A/N: Yeah, Lisbon! You know, writing that part made me so happy, even though it was so sad. I miss Lisbon, seriously, and that makes me wonder how in hell I could proceed with this story. **

**Oh, and about the explanation part from the doctor about depressions: I tried my best in understanding grief and depressions, but I'm not a therapist or a psychologist/psychiatrist. I don't know if the direction this story is heading in right now is realistic, but I hope it is.  
And I just watched an episode of Dance Academy, where one of the characters, Sammy, died in a car crash and the main character begins hallucinating about him. It looks so sad, so Jane: Sorry I'm putting you through this! Remember: Happy ending! :D**

**I know that Jane was seriously acting weird about the RJ case in the previous chapter, but he's confused :D.**

**And I think a lot of people have already figured out my 'secret' about the happy ending. Oh well, we'll see when we get there, won't we? :D**

**Let me know what you think in a REVIEW, thank you!**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: I'm ****_so_**** sorry that I didn't post a chapter yesterday! My sister's birthday is the fourth and my father was making invitations for the family and all, but his laptop didn't work anymore so he claimed mine, hence why I couldn't do anything for an entire day.**

**And I know I will definitely cause you some heart attacks at the end of this chapter. Let's just see what you think of it :D.**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

* * *

Cho turned around in his bed.

He liked the days more when he spent them with Jane. Sure, the blonde man annoyed him to the bones, but at least he had something to do.

At first, Cho thought that Jane was over-reacting. Why in hell would you be so depressed by one's death? It just didn't make sense.

But now, Cho understood completely. He hadn't wanted to admit it, but Lisbon's missing presence was too much, even for him.

He was used to take over the team, he had done so way too many times. But he always knew it wasn't permanent, Lisbon would be back eventually as their team-leader. Now, it was permanent. She would never come back.

He sighed, and sat up straight in his bed.

Maybe reading the Bible helped? He knew Lisbon always read the Bible when she was sad or down, or when the urge to kill Jane was too big.

He opened his second-hand Bible, and sighed at the first thing he read:

_For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief to the children of men._

He dropped the Bible, and looked up, praying to a God he knew did not exist.

Why did He take Lisbon? It just didn't make any sense.

-YulianaHenderson-

Van Pelt woke up, to find the spot beside her empty.

She sighed.

Jane had fallen asleep in her arms, not being able to stop muttering how useless he was here, how much he missed Lisbon and how much he wanted to be with her now. It had pained Van Pelt. She was used to seeing Jane so sad now, but now she knew that she had to protect him, mainly from himself. No one was going to hurt him, only Jane himself was capable of doing so.

She groaned when she sat up straight – her muscles ached from lying in a wrong position all night long – and hesitantly placed her feet on the floor.

She went to look for Jane, and found him in her living room, a notebook in his hands. He seemed to be frantically writing things down.

"Jane?" Van Pelt asked softly, and she saw Jane startling, but he didn't turn towards her. "What are you doing?"

"Writing."

She sighed silently.

"I could see that."

"Then why do you ask?"

Van Pelt sat down beside Jane, but she didn't look at what he was writing. She figured, even though she now took care of him, there were still some things that were private and she didn't really _want_ to read what he had written. She had a feeling it was about Lisbon and she already knew how Jane thought about her death.

"Jane, I want to help you. You're having a tough time. I care about you. I want you to be happy-"

"Happy," Jane repeated, then chuckled, but the sound sounded so humorless that it almost sounded scary. "You want me to be happy."

Van Pelt nodded, though Jane wasn't looking at her so he couldn't see she was nodding. "Yes."  
Jane paused for a while, then put away the notebook and turned his back on Van Pelt.

"I can't be happy without Lisbon."

This was growing annoying. Van Pelt could scream at him, could tell him countless of times that he had to try and _move on_, but Jane was so stubborn. And Van Pelt grew tired of doing so. She just wished Jane and Lisbon were less close than they actually were.

"You wouldn't understand," Jane said, and was about to pick up the notebook he had just put away, when Van Pelt stopped him.

"I _do_ understand, Jane," she said, her voice almost icy, and she looked intently into Jane's eyes.

She then saw the tears that had probably lingered there for minutes, but she didn't see them because Jane wasn't looking at her, and she turned around and closed her eyes.

She honestly didn't know what she should do now. She had genuinely tried everything already.

So she just got up and left the living room, trying to get some sleep again.

-YulianaHenderson-

_Teresa. Teresa. Teresa._

Jane ran a hand through his hair.

_Teresa._

When would the notebook be full? _Teresa._

The past three hours he had been writing down her name. Just to keep thinking about her. How much she cared about people. Her beautiful smile. Her brilliant, sparkling eyes. He could get lost in them.

But why did he find out too late how much she meant to him? No, he knew how much she meant to him, but he chose to ignore it because he was so busy with Red John. He was so absolutely, utterly stupid.

_Teresa._

He didn't even feel the pain anymore right now. It was a feeling he had experienced for far too long, and though it was more painful than when Angela and Charlotte had died, he could still hardly feel it anymore.

_Teresa. Teresa... I love you, Teresa._

The words shocked him. Though they were true, he had never truly let them fall off his lips. Once, in her office, but that was an honest mistake. The words were true, but he hadn't wanted to tell them. Not yet. Why hadn't he told her? Sure the depression would be less.

_I love you, Teresa. I love you. I love you. _

"Jane," a voice behind him said, and he instinctively threw the notebook to somewhere the person couldn't see it. He should've been scared to death; as far as he knew, Van Pelt was the only other person in the classy apartment, and the voice didn't sound as Van Pelt's.

He turned around, and looked into Lisbon's clear green eyes.  
"I don't want to talk to you," Jane said, and looked in front of him again.

"Why not? From what I could read in that notebook, you love me."

"You're not real."

"And do you ever really listen to yourself, Jane? Who cares if I'm not real. You can talk to me."

Jane closed his eyes. He leant back into the couch, his head falling backwards and his hands covering his eyes.

"Go away."

"I won't go away, Jane."  
"Just _go away_," Jane hissed. Lisbon sighed, and jumped down beside him.  
"What's your problem, Jane? Wait, I already know it," she said, raising her arms to stop him – not that he was going to say anything anyways. "You completely counted on me being there to save your ass. You weren't dependant, and you knew it. You knew I knew it. But you were desperate, and still are. Van Pelt looks after you now, Jane. Let her help you. She _wants_ to help you, as do the boys. Stop waiting for me, I won't come back."

"I'm screwing up every little good thing I ever try to do, Lisbon. I was born to lose-"

"Stop it there, Jane. You know that's not true. Angela and Charlotte's deaths were not your fault. _My_ death was _not your fault_. Stop whining like a little girl and _live_ again. You're destroying the people around you too. Maybe _you_ think _you_ deserve it, and maybe you really do, but the team doesn't. They really don't. Do it for them, Jane."

Jane sighed.

"I think I'd do better on my own, no friends, no fights, just me... alone."

"Jane!" Lisbon exclaimed, and Jane almost startled. Even if she was made up, Lisbon would never scream. Not even at him, not like that.

"You're strong. I know that you know that I'm not actually here, but just try to listen to me. I love you, Patrick. I love you so much, and you know that. Did you think I would do what I did for just somebody? No."

She sighed, and moved closer, now so close that if she were real, he would be able to feel her breath. He swallowed.

"Normally, I would trust Cho, but he doesn't hallucinate about me so I can't tell him. Look after the team, Jane. They mean so much to me. And they mean everything to you, too. They're your family. I know you wanted a family with me eventually, but you couldn't and you just have to find peace with that."

The ghost of Lisbon swung her arms around Jane, and he had to fight back the urge to scream at himself. He shouldn't be thinking these things about Lisbon. She deserved much more than a not entirely in character ghost in his stupid, depressed mind.

"What's this?" Lisbon asked as she saw the notebook Jane had just thrown away. Jane wanted to stop her, but he knew how stupid it was to do since she was not real.

She knelt down next to it, and read the pages that were revealed by the way Jane had thrown it. She closed her eyes, sighed, and then looked at Jane.  
"I'm serious, Jane. Either move on, or end it. You can't ask this from the team. _This_ is insane," she said, and pointed at the notebook.

Jane closed his eyes, and took in a deep breath.

"Jane? Are you alright?" Van Pelt asked behind him. Jane shook his head.  
"I... No, I'm not. Can... Can you hold me for a second?" Jane asked, his voice small. Van Pelt nodded, and sat down beside him, wrapping her arms around him and pulling him closer. Jane rested his head on her chest.

"Were you talking with her?" Van Pelt asked, after a lot of silent minutes. Jane nodded. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Jane shook his head. Van Pelt sighed.

"I know that it's weird. But when I was talking to her, I felt... happy. Really happy."

Van Pelt gently brushed Jane's cheek, like you would with a little child that just suffered a nightmare.

"You need to rest, Jane. It's not healthy to skip sleep. Even if you can't sleep, you have to rest-"

"I'll rest, Grace," Jane said, almost determined, and moved to get out of her arms.  
"Do I need to cuff you to my bed to prevent you from doing stupid things?" Van Pelt asked. Though the comment could be far from innocent, it was really innocent how Van Pelt put it. Jane smiled faintly.

"No need. I'll behave like a good, depressed little boy."

Van Pelt rolled her eyes.

"Do you want tea first?" Van Pelt asked, in an attempt to bring the old Jane back. Jane looked at her, then at a spot in the room, and then at her again.  
"Lisbon doesn't think that's okay."

Van Pelt suppressed her groan just in time. "Oh god, Jane... Did you hear what you just said?"

-YulianaHenderson-

"How's Jane?" Rigsby asked. Van Pelt could hear Benjamin screaming in the background, and a few crashes which clearly pointed out that Sarah was frantically trying to get things done.  
"He starts acting weird."

"Jane, weird? No way," Rigsby said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ha ha. I'm serious. He was sitting in my living room, writing down things in a notebook he'd found, and he looked like he could kill himself any moment. Then I heard him talking to somebody, but I couldn't hear a reply, only Jane's voice, so I figured he was talking to Lisbon in his head. And then, he suddenly was all smiling again. And I asked him if he wanted tea and apparently "Lisbon" told him not to. I really can't follow him. _But_, I do think he's starting to live with her death."

"You do? From what I can hear, it only grows worse. And where is he now?" Rigsby asked. Van Pelt sighed.  
"In my bedroom. Why?"

"You sure?"

Van Pelt frowned, but walked out of the living room, into the hall and into her bedroom. She almost dropped the phone when she found the bed empty.

"Shit. Jane?" she asked, checking the room if he was hiding in any niche, but no sign of him in the bedroom.

She raced down the stairs, and ran through her entire apartment, but Jane was nowhere to be seen. She cursed.  
"He's gone."

"Did he leave something? Like, a note or so?"

Van Pelt looked around the room. She wanted to find him, _now_, goodbye notes were _not_ important.

She saw the notebook, and her heart clenched.

"Only the notebook in which he wrote."

She almost heard the gears in Rigsby's detective brain churning. "Read what's inside."

Van Pelt put the phone on speaker and placed it on the table, and she picked up the notebook. She almost dropped it when she felt so much negative energy coming from it. She knew that was bullshit, but it was how it felt like for her.

She turned the pages to the front of the notebook. _Teresa. Teresa. Teresa. Teresa._

"There's only Lisbon's first name on the first pages," she said, loud enough so that Rigsby could hear it.

"Skip to the end," Rigsby said, and Van Pelt did. As she turned the book, she saw that most pages were covered with Lisbon's first name, occasionally accompanied by 'I love you'.

When she arrived at the end of the book, she gasped. There were clear things at the top of the paper, indicating Jane took his time with writing it down.

_Teresa. I love you, Teresa. I want to be with you. Only you. I miss you._

Underneath that were words that seemed to be scratched into the paper, the fabric was almost tore. She traced the paper with her fingertips.

_A collision. One gun. Water, drowning. A knife. Death. Teresa. Death. Death. Death. Teresa's dead. I'm dead. Teresa._

"Rigsby," Van Pelt breathed.  
"What? What does it say?"

"No, no... No...," Van Pelt whispered.

"Grace!"  
"Rigsby, we have to find Jane. I think he's going to kill him. This time for real."

-YulianaHenderson-

"Jane!" Rigsby exclaimed into the forests outside the city. They had no idea where Jane could be, and honestly, he could be on the cold concrete, dead.

Van Pelt had called the doctor, and he'd sent the therapist to Van Pelt's apartment. For her, it took way too long.

Cho had also joined, and now, they were searching the woods for someone who'd rather be well dead than spend more seconds on this world.

"Patrick!"

Cho was actually just following the crowd. He knew Jane wouldn't come by them screaming, it was honestly a lost battle. Jane had tried it once already, Cho was sure he wouldn't fail this time.

Just when the entire group was about to stop the mission, Van Pelt screamed and suddenly ran off.  
"Here!" she exclaimed, and the rest followed.

There was Jane, not laying in a pool of blood or a bullet through his head. He looked unconscious though, so they all just assumed he took an overdose.

Van Pelt fell down beside him.

"Jane," she whispered, gently slapping his cheeks. Jane lay still for a long moment, and they all already feared he was dead, before his eyes fluttered.

"Jane! Jane, stay with us, okay?" Van Pelt said, her voice less calm than it was a few moments ago. Jane slowly opened his eyes, and looked into Van Pelt's eyes.  
"Ter... Teresa?" he asked, his voice so small that it was almost inaudible. Van Pelt shook her head.  
"It's me, Jane. It's me, Grace. You're gonna get through this, Jane," Van Pelt whispered, her face inches away from Jane's. The therapist was calling the doctor, while Cho simply called 9-1-1.

Van Pelt grabbed Jane's hand.  
"Am I dead?" Jane asked. Van Pelt saw a tear falling on Jane's cheek, but it wasn't his. She quickly wiped her face.

"You're not, Jane. And you're not going to. You're gonna stay with us, you hear me? Hold on, Jane."

-YulianaHenderson-

"Well, this is beginning to form a tradition, isn't it?" the doctor said as he casually walked into the waiting room. They could see he was slightly annoyed at the fact that Jane _again_ tried to kill himself. He wasn't the only annoyed person. This was starting to get too much.

At least Jane could say he was bad with _something_.

"Is he still alive?" Van Pelt asked. The doctor sighed, and nodded.  
"He is. He actually took too less to really die, but it could've damaged vital organs."  
"Did it-"

"No, it didn't. He should be fine, theoretically. Look, we might consider taking him here. This was the kind of trouble I was talking about. We have your permission to do any psychological tests?"

The three nodded.

"Now that that is sorted; you can go visit Mr. Jane, but one at a time. Also, he is still depressive, so don't bother with cheering him up."

And with that, the doctor left the waiting room, off to another patient that had most likely been on the edge of dying.

The three looked at each other, then shrugged and entered the room together.

Jane was now staring at the door. The team sighed, and sat down beside his bed.  
"You're gonna make a habit out of this? Because I'll be gone then," Cho deadpanned. Jane didn't pay attention. He motioned for Van Pelt to come closer, which she reluctantly did.

"Did you read my notebook?" Jane asked, his voice still small. Van Pelt nodded. Jane sighed, and ran a hand through his hair, which took more energy than he'd wanted to.

"Sorry, Grace," he whispered. Van Pelt swallowed. "You've been really great. It wasn't you. It's never been you."

Van Pelt could see Cho leaving the room, and she sighed.  
"This is what you do to us, Jane. You happy?" Rigsby asked, and Van Pelt shot him a look. Rigsby raised his hands in surrender, then sat back in his chair.

"It was my last chance to see her again, Grace. Now I guess I'd have to live with the fact that she's not coming back."

Van Pelt nodded, squeezed Jane's hand a bit too hard, and Jane cringed.  
"Sorry," Van Pelt murmured. Jane just shook his head.

"My punishment."

"Guys?" started Cho, and the three turned to look at him.

"You're not going to believe this."

Van Pelt frowned. "What is it?"

Cho approached the bed.

"You know how they have these rooms where people lay from who they don't know who they are? They can't contact any family, they are too damaged-"

"Yes?" interrupted Jane, now getting extremely impatient. He didn't want to hope, but he had a feeling of what Cho was about to say.

"Thought I'd drop by. Didn't have anything else to do anyway. Guess who lays there."

The trio's eyes widened.

"No. Freaking. Way," said Rigsby.

Jane jumped up, ignoring both the machine's as Van Pelt's protests. He pulled the IV's out of his arms, and ran to the hall.

"Where?" he asked Cho. Though Van Pelt was screaming after Jane, Cho just pointed at where he'd found her.

Jane ran down the hall, checking every room until he saw her.

His Lisbon.

He almost collapsed, though he ran inside the room, crashing over her bed almost immediately. He heard a heart rate, he heard her breathing, and that was it.

He had learned to accept the fact that she was dead. That he was never going to see her ever again, not even her lifeless body. He had wanted nothing more than to see her one more time, dead or alive.

He noticed she was unconscious, and that opened the gates called his eyes. He pulled her into a tight hug, burying his face in the crook of her neck, and only cried harder when he found her body motionless – which, of course, was not a surprise since she was unconscious.

When Rigsby and Van Pelt had finally found him, their hearts jumped to the moon and back. But they needed to control Jane first, before they would admit their tears.

Van Pelt gently grabbed his shoulder, and with Rigsby she pulled him away from Lisbon. Cho went to place her back onto the bed.

"Teresa," Jane whimpered, while he was pulled only further away from her. He tried to fight the two agents, having them letting him go so he could hold Lisbon again, but he knew it was of no use. They were much stronger than him, even if one of them was a woman – which was mean to say, because he knew how strong women could be. In fact, he even assumed that Lisbon was twice as strong as him; and Van Pelt was not so weak either.

Jane didn't look away from her, crying when he saw she was not dead, like they had expected and thought for a week, but living. Not very much, but living nonetheless.

All this commotion could be heard and seen from the hall, and the nurses that apparently looked after Lisbon came and entered the room.

"What is going on here?" asked one. The team looked at her. They were speechless. For one week, they had all thought their boss was dead. She was laying somewhere in the forests, or in a morgue. But they hadn't thought of the possibility that she was in this very hospital, breathing, and not dead.

Jane was crying fully now, still moving to get out the two pair of strong arms, to get to Lisbon and hold her.

"Let him go," one of the nurses ordered, and Van Pelt and Rigsby did, looking helplessly as Jane ran over to Lisbon again, not holding her like he had done before, but brushing her cheek and holding her hand.

"Teresa," Jane whispered, tracing her lips, "Teresa..."

"Are you the family?" asked the same nurse. All three of them shook their heads.

"Her family is in New York. We... thought she was dead."

This was going to be harder to explain than they'd thought.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, Lisbon! Well, her body, she's not really conscious... But she will be, eventually, I hope. We'll see :D.**

**So: How do you like this story up until now? Excited what happened to Lisbon? Let me know in a REVIEW, thank you!**


	6. Chapter Five

**A/N: Yes, you've seen right: this chapter is really short, but I tried to stretch it yet that didn't work out anymore... And I wanted to make it longer but I cut it like this because it just felt right. And I'm sorry if I disappoint you with this chapter, really!**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine!**

* * *

To say the doctor was angry at Jane was an understatement: ripping out his IV, walking before it was allowed, not to mention the fact that the drugs Jane had taken could still kill him, and then engaging an unconscious patient into a death grip. No, the doctor was furious.

But despite his rational hate, he couldn't keep the blonde man away from the brunette, even if he wanted to. Everybody could see how happy the man was to finally see this woman again.

Jane was now sitting on a chair next to Lisbon's bed, holding her hand. There was an IV in Jane's arm again, the liquid hanging on a walking frame. At least one of the team had to stay with Jane in case he decided he wanted to walk – which they found highly unlikely. Only if they would fight for it, were they able to get him away from Lisbon. Which was a problem, really, because of the drugs in his system that needed be washed out of it, but since he was being stubborn, that would probably take longer than the doctors would've wanted.

Jane was still softly crying, but everybody could notice that even only seeing Lisbon made the whole depression Jane'd been in disappear. There was nothing from that 'good, depressed little boy' in sight. They saw a sad Jane, but he was now on the same level of 'sadness' the team was on. Which was really more excitement than actual sadness, and the tears were of all the adrenaline.

"Why is she in a coma?" asked Jane when a nurse went to check on Lisbon again.

"The impact of the crash did a lot to her body. She seems to be a strong woman, and the place of where she was sitting in the plane helped a lot too. But you might know that all other passengers have died in the crash. It's a miracle that she's still breathing. Being unconscious is only logical."

Jane looked at Lisbon again, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"And why is she in this hospital? The plane didn't crash here."

"No, it didn't. She had a badge of the California Bureau of Investigation with her, from which we took the conclusion that she works in this state. As soon as the doctors in Milwaukee had done enough surgery so she was in a stable situation, they brought her here. It would only be easier for her family to look for her."

Jane nodded. "Will she wake up?"

The nurse shrugged.

"We're not sure. Maybe, maybe not. Her situation hasn't changed much over the past few days."

"Really?"

"To be frank, I don't think she will ever wake up."

Jane's eyes widened.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Jane," the nurse apologized, and walked out of the room. Rigsby scolded the woman. For the love of God, why would you say something like that if you could see the man loved Lisbon, and didn't want her to die 'again'.

Jane's tears fell irregular again, and Rigsby sighed. Jane stood, and bent over the bed again.

"No, Teresa," he cried. Rigsby came to stand behind Jane and placed a hand on Jane's shoulder.

"I think it's best that you go back to your room again, Jane. Lisbon will still be here when you come back. Sleep is important too, you know. You almost died. Twice in the last week. Come."

Jane took in a deep breath, and then nodded.

It was of no use to cry next to her bed now. She would probably be unable to hear him anyway, so he would only make himself and the people around him sad – not that he didn't already.

-YulianaHenderson-

Jane knew full well that the chance of Lisbon waking up was so very small that he should really just stop hoping, but he couldn't help but look at that little shining bright light at the end of the depression tunnel. Who knew? After all, he fell in love with Teresa Lisbon, though he'd never had expected to do that.

He had seen in that first moment he'd met the feisty team-leader, that she was quite the beautiful woman. Of course, he hadn't really wanted to acknowledge such thoughts, since that could distract him from his important task at hand; Red John.

But hey, he was a man, and despite his red-blurred mind, he was still a man. A man who couldn't deny beautiful, shiny things.

And Teresa Lisbon: she was exactly that kind of thing.

He should really hate her, for distracting her, for being so attractive, but he knew it was _so not_ her fault. It was all his.

Jane sighed, quickly running a hand through his hair, and then looked at the fluids that were slowly being pumped into his veins. Because of his biofeedback, the medicines didn't really relax him. It did work to calm down the pills in his body, but that was about it.

He looked at his left hand.

The golden wedding band that had once stood for heart-felt promises. For love, trust, loyalty.

He had failed to protect her. He had failed so hard. He would never get to fix that again.

And he failed to protect Lisbon too. Though she wasn't dead, it was only yet.

The ring started burning, as if it knew that now was the time to be useless. He quickly pulled it off, and felt almost a literal weight falling off his shoulders.

He looked at the ring; it was worn, definitely. There were scratches all over the thing.

He reached for the drawer of the desk next to his bed, and got the velvet box out of it. He opened it.

His mind hadn't been completely clear of mind when he'd bought it. Hell, if he had been, he wouldn't have done it in the first place.

But he had to admit; his subconscious mind had taste for rings. It was an antique one, a diamond shaped in a round in the middle.

It hurt to just look at it. Not because he didn't want to have it, because he did, but the thought that he might never be able to give it to her made his heart clench.

He looked around; no nurse around, no one of the team around.

He quickly got out of bed, and ran into Lisbon's room without anyone noticing, and stood beside her bed, the ring in his right hand, and one of her hands in his left hand.

"Hey, Teresa," he said, but sighed when she didn't respond to him. He sat down beside the bed, but remaining her little hand in his.

"I... Look," he said, feeling a bit awkward to talk to an unconscious Lisbon, but it was better than not at all. He raised his hand, and showed the ring.

"Do you like it? I know you don't, you would probably say it's stupid, and too expensive anyway. But... I want you to have it. Even if I can't hear you say yes yet. I just... It will make it easier for me to cope, do you understand that? Everything has been so hectic... For crying out loud, Lisbon, I almost killed myself twice. Do you like that? Of course not, too much of Shakespeare... I love you, Teresa, and I... I want you to be my wife. And I know it's stupid to tell you now, because you can't hear me and you can't reply to it in any way... But it makes it easier for me, like I said. I can't stand losing you. Not as Lisbon. Not again. I've lost Lisbon already, I can't lose Teresa too."

Jane chuckled humorlessly.

"That sounds poetic. But it's true. I...," Jane said, but stopped. This was stupid. He switched her hand, now holding her left hand. He slid the ring down her finger, and felt tears stinging in his eyes.

"God, Teresa, you make everything so difficult. I... never figured I would do that again. God...," he said, the last word more like a whisper. He wiped at his eyes.

"Dammit, Teresa! Why was it you? Why couldn't it have been me? You are strong, I'm sure you could live without me. I can't live without you, dammit!"

Jane took in a deep breath before he would cry or harm himself or Lisbon. She couldn't have that now.

He sighed, stood and brushed her cheek.

"I love you, Teresa," he whispered, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

He looked at her hand, which he had subconsciously placed on her tummy. He smiled faintly.

"Don't dare take that off before I speak to you, Teresa."

He sighed, and turned around, walking back to his room. He was talking with a comatose patient.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Jane?" Van Pelt asked as she walked into his room. Jane looked up, and nodded.

"That's my name."

"Do you... do you have anything to do with the ring on Lisbon's finger?"

"I do, yes."

"Jane..."

"Yes, Van Pelt?"

"Stop this, Jane! What the hell is wrong with you?!"

Jane glared at Van Pelt. She just continued to look angry at him, and he knew she was genuinely angry.

"I'm in love with Teresa, that's what's wrong with me! I want her to be my wife-"

"But she's in a _coma_, Jane!"

"And I know that, I'm not stupid! Have you ever realized how difficult it is for me? I have been in love with her for so long, and just when I started thinking about marrying her, she gets in a plane crash and ends up in a coma in the hospital. Dammit, Grace, don't you understand?"

Van Pelt shook her head, looking at Jane as if he'd just grown a second head.

"No, Jane, I don't. I know that you're in love with her, but don't you think she needs to agree with marrying you before you put a ring on her? Jeez, Jane, you're insane-"

"Insanely in love with Teresa, yes-"

"Stop that, would you?" she yelled, before she took in a deep, calm breath and sat down on one of the chairs in the room.

"If... If you're gonna be like this for the rest of your life, I'm not sure I can cope with being around you then. Don't get me wrong, I care about you, but this is killing me too, Jane. She was my best friend, and I know nearly everything about her. She doesn't want to be forced into anything, she has been forced into things way too many times in her life and it's a trauma. I believe she does love you, but I don't believe she would want to marry you under these circumstances and dammit Jane! Dammit! I don't like discussing the boss' life, especially not with _you_."

She leant back into her chair, and threw her head back.

"I may be delusional, but there's only one thing that can save the Boss. And you know what that is. And _yes_, I've read too many fairytales, but since you almost killed yourself twice and now proposed to a comatose Lisbon, I believe nothing is strange anymore. At least you could try. But I'm not going to save your ass ever again, have done so too many times now and I'm tired of it. Maybe Rigsby can accompany you, but I highly doubt that. You're on your own on this one, you got it? Like you've always been concerning Lisbon. I don't want to interfere in your "relationship", if that's what you want to call it."

"I know, Grace-"

"My name is Van Pelt," she said, matter-of-factly, turned around and left the room.

Well _that_ was unexpected.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Mr. Jane, we know it's a tough decision to make, but someone has to do it, and considering you are her fiancée, and therefore the closest of the people present, we want to hear it from you," the doctor said, and Jane closed his eyes.

It had been three days since he'd put the ring on Lisbon's finger. In his mind, he was her fiancée now, and that was what he told people. He wondered if they knew that it wasn't true.

The doctors had given up hope. So fast already. Her brain wasn't responding anymore, they determined she was officially brain-dead. Jane didn't give up hope yet, but everybody else did and _that_ made him very angry.

He looked at Lisbon briefly, who looked exactly alike all the other days he'd been at her side in the hospital: peaceful, but very, _very_ unconscious.

Jane took in a deep breath, before he faced the doctor, and nodded.  
"It's... alright. Do it."

The doctor nodded, and was about to motion to the waiting doctors and nurses, when a thought occurred to him.

"Don't you want to say goodbye?"

Jane looked at the team, who averted their eyes. Honestly, he had hurt them more than enough, and _they_ were going to lose their boss too. Their best friend, their hero, their idol. They knew Jane suffered 'more', but it grew really tiring.

Jane sighed, and nodded.

He walked over to the bed, and looked down at Lisbon.  
"I love you, Lisbon. And I don't like it one bit that I'm going to lose you once again. But... but it's for the best. You wouldn't get a humane life, and after all, that's all you deserve. But you're an angel, and you... you should be in heaven now, Teresa. Like a real angel should be. Don't doubt how much I love you, my love. Because I really love you. Goodbye, my sweet," Jane whispered, inches away from her face, and he could swear he saw her eyes flutter. Probably just the feelings.

He bowed down, and placed a small kiss on Lisbon's lips – strange, their first kiss would be their last, and left the room, nodding towards the doctors to unplug Lisbon's breathing machines.

Jane joined the team, but not showing his sadness because he knew they hurt too, and he didn't want to draw all the attention to himself.

When they were on the hall though, they heard the doctor doctor screaming Jane's name.

Jane turned around instantly.

"No, I don't want to be there-"

Jane was cut off by the man grabbing his arm and pulling him with him into Lisbon's room.  
"I told you, I don't-"

Jane almost collapsed when he saw what was wrong – or more, right; her eyes were opened.

Despite his weak feeling legs, he ran to her bed.

He gently stroked her cheeks, and the emerald eyes that were already slightly opened shot open all the way.

"Jane?"

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**A/N: REVIEW, pretty please!**


	7. Chapter Six

**A/N: Here it is! The last chapter of this story! Excited? Skip the Author's Note then!**

**So I just started a course at the Hogeschool van Amsterdam. I'm stuck there for so many hours that just thinking of continuing stories makes me tired, gosh! But I really wanted to at least have this story finished. There is a sequel to this story, because admit it, Jane and Lisbon are just too cute in hospitals (at least in this story).**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine. Sadly.**

* * *

Jane's heart jumped to the moon and back, doing various somersaults on its way back to the earth. A lump formed in his throat, and he swallowed.

He brushed her cheek, and smiled, smiled like an idiot that had just won the lottery – which, in a way, Jane had. He just couldn't stop. Even if Red John would now barge into Lisbon's room, doing the River dance, he would stay with his beautiful angel.

Lisbon was trying hard to keep her eyes just a few inches open, enough to see Jane leaning over her.

Jane could hear the doctors and nurses discussing what to do, and already checked on her vitals.

Lisbon, despite the turmoil around them, raised her free hand to touch Jane's face.

"Is that you Jane?" asked Lisbon, her voice so low Jane could almost overhear it.

"Yes, yes it's me, Lisbon," he replied, tears now streaming down his face – where did _these_ come from? He wasn't sad – then why was he crying? He brushed her cheek, and she brushed his.

"Am I dead?"

"No, you're not, my dear."

She smiled faintly, and then she cringed in pain. Jane squeezed her hand gently, letting her know he was still there.

The doctors had granted the two a short moment, before they ushered Jane out of the way so they could try and make the pain less for Lisbon.

The team entered the room too, and Rigsby immediately grabbed Jane at his shoulders to keep him away from her, but Jane wouldn't go back to her, not when all these people were trying to heal Lisbon while she was in a lot of pain, while they were trying to save her life.

Despite the fact that their boss was in a lot of pain, there were smiles on the team's faces. She was alive, she was breathing still and she had regained consciousness again.

Van Pelt grabbed Jane's and Cho's hands, more to keep herself from screaming out of glee than assure the two that she was there.

They were gonna be fine. Jane was recovering and Lisbon was too. Yay team.

-YulianaHenderson-

Lisbon had been in surgery again for an hour. Not much, since she had already been in surgery for hours when she had just came in the hospital. She had a lot of pain, which wasn't a surprise.

The staff didn't tell much about her condition, only the critical parts such as the fact that she would definitely live.

There were four hundred people, including the crew, on board of the plane, and they had all died. Except for Lisbon. How was that possible? Maybe God did exist, and he didn't want her to die yet because she needed to do things before she could go.

Of course Jane was the first one next to Lisbon again. She had gotten another room, one for herself, and now that the hospital knew who she was, they could fully take care of her.

The doctors had wanted to put Lisbon to sleep, so that she could rest, but of course the woman was so stubborn she didn't want to. She wanted to see her team, but especially Jane.

Now, Jane was sitting on a chair next to her, both her hands in his.

"I thought I was going to lose you," whispered Jane. Lisbon sighed slightly.

"I could hear voices the entire time. I only heard unfamiliar voices, until I suddenly heard yours. Far away though. It seemed as if I couldn't approach you. I heard your voice, but it stayed far away. But then...," she started, but stopped. Jane looked at her, a slight frown on his face. She had a blush on her face, which she almost never had.

"But then you kissed me. And I felt I had enough strength to come to you."

Jane brushed her cheek.

"You're here now. And I'm glad you're here. Because I got a taste of what it would be like to live without you. And I'd rather be dead than live without you, Teresa. You might be wondering why I'm in the hospital, right?"

Lisbon nodded, slowly.

"I was desperate. I wanted to see you again, but I couldn't because everybody declared you dead. I... sort of lost it, and tried to kill myself. And when I recovered from my injuries of my suicide attempt, I only got more desperate. I blamed myself for your death. I... lost it again, and got almost violent. They drugged me so much that I couldn't even blink properly. They doubted my sanity. Then, when my situation was a bit stable, they let me go. Van Pelt took care of me. But I got into a depression. I was only thinking about you. And death. I wanted to be death, so I could be with you. I tried to kill myself too, but our lovely team saved me from my terrible faith."

Tears were burning in Lisbon's beautiful eyes.

"Why do you care so much about me?" she whispered. Jane brushed her cheek again.

"Because I love you. I'm in love with you, Teresa. I shouldn't have fallen for you, but I did, and I thought I'd found out too late. I love you so much, Teresa," he whispered, and the threatening tears fell from her eyes. He wiped them away immediately. He stood and bowed over her, gathering her in his arms.

She cried in the crook of his neck, and he rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"I love you too," whispered Lisbon in his ear.

Jane laid down next to her, pulling her even closer. After a while, both calmed down a bit, and reveled in the other's embrace.

"I love you, Patrick. But if this happens a next time: don't try to kill yourself. I'm sure the team told you, but I wouldn't want you to kill yourself. I would want you to catch Red John for me. You may cry about my death, but never do such stupid things again. Even if you decide never to love anybody anymore, I don't want you to be lonely for the rest of your life. And don't try to kill yourself."

"I won't-"

"Promise me, Patrick," ordered Lisbon. Jane rolled his eyes. He pulled away slightly.

"What is it with women wanting men to promise things? Van Pelt told me to promise too."

"Because if we don't let men promise things, this happens," she said, and grabbed his arm, showing him his wrist, where scars were already forming from his first suicide attempt. He smiled faintly.

"Okay, you might have a point there-"

"Promise me, Patrick."

Jane looked into her emerald eyes, and saw the desperation in them. She didn't want to lose him, not even when she was dead. He wasn't allowed to kill himself, he could have a whole life in front of him and even if it just wasn't the same without Lisbon, he knew she was right. She loved him, and would do everything to make him happy. But that didn't include him being dead too.

He brushed her lips slightly with his thumb, learning its texture - which was inexplicably soft - before he linked their lips. She immediately melted in his arms, and were they not laying in a bed her legs would've definitely given up.

She probed her tongue against his lips, begging for entrance, and he gave mercy. Their tongues immediately started a slow and gentle dance, while their owners were frantically trying to get closer. Lisbon's hands went to his hair, pulling on his curls while his hands went around her waist, pulling her impossibly closer.

When he pulled away, slightly breathless, he immediately brushed her cheeks.

"I promise, Teresa. If you'll die, I'll catch Red John in your name, even if that bastard didn't kill you. From now on, I will protect you. I will always be with you, if you want it or not. I failed to protect you once, I won't let that happen again."

He kissed her forehead, and he felt her smile.

"I love you, Teresa. I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you. You hear me? I love you," he whispered against her forehead, and she rolled her eyes.

"You're so weird," she sighed, and buried her face in the crook of his neck. They both sighed contently. This was where they were supposed to be: in each other's arms.

-YulianaHenderson-

"Sleep, Teresa," Jane whispered as he slowly, but reluctantly walked away from her bed. That seemed to be the only way Lisbon could surrender to sleep. Yet if she fell asleep, Jane was with her in seconds to prevent her from panicking.

She suffered from nightmares on a daily basis. Every time she fell asleep, she would wake up crying, sweating, heavily panting.

Lisbon looked at Jane, helplessly.

"I'll be around, Teresa. Don't worry. I'll always be around."

Lisbon swallowed, then closed her eyes. It took a while before Jane saw the telltale signs of sleep printed on the Senior Agent.

He sighed, and sat down in the chair next to her bed, grabbing her hand. He prepared himself to hold her in his arms again, calming her down from the stupid nightmare that she kept having.

_A baby was crying. It annoyed the crap out of her. Yet where other people would have said something about it, Lisbon just took in a deep breath and then swallowed her anger away. Yes, working with the everlasting pain-in-the-ass Patrick Jane had some good sides, she knew exactly how to deal with her anger. Or maybe she still knew that from six months of anger management she got when she helped Jane._

_The man next to her was asleep, his head on Lisbon's shoulder and he was snoring loudly._

_Count to ten, Teresa Lisbon. Count to ten._

_"Excuse me, Ma'am," a woman next to her said, and Lisbon sighed and turned her head._

_"Could you please switch with my daughter? She really wants to sit next to the window."_

_Lisbon looked at the little girl – she was only five, she estimated – and sighed._

_"Okay," Lisbon gave in, and switched places with the girl. She now sat between a mother and her child, which was more than awkward._

_And this was exactly the reason why she didn't like flying. _

_After a while, the mother found too that it was not practical to have Lisbon between her and her daughter. Lisbon could witness how the mother tried to figure out how to deal with this situation._

_"Can I switch with you, please?" the woman asked. Lisbon suppressed a groan, and nodded._

_Then, the plane walls were suddenly pulled away. Lisbon let out an instinctive scream, and then she saw the two seats next to her, where the mother and her child had just been sitting, were empty._

_She let out a scream again._

_"Teresa!"_

Lisbon's eyes shot open. Jane's arms were around her already, and she just couldn't fight the tears, it took so many energy and she was tired of doing so.

"They died, Jane. They died. I should have died. I...," Lisbon whispered in Jane's neck. His hands rubbed soothing circles on her back, and he held her while her expected sobs took over her body.

"Shh, it's okay, Teresa. It's okay," Jane whispered.

He knew about the dream. The fact that it bothered her so much made her so human, more human than you might expect Senior Agent Teresa Lisbon to be.

Then suddenly, Lisbon's sobs stopped, and he felt her body almost tense.  
"What? What's wrong?" Jane asked. Lisbon pulled away, and stared at him. She then slowly raised her hand, and Jane blushed. He freaking blushed. Patrick Jane blushing!

"I... I... I wanted to-"

Jane was cut off by Lisbon pulling his face towards hers, linking their lips. He immediately complied.

She stopped quickly though.

"Is this...," Lisbon started, but couldn't find the words. Jane nodded.  
"I love you, Teresa. I love you, and I don't want to lose you ever again. I want to be with you, cherish you, give you so much love that you're annoyed by it. I can't live without you, I really can't. These days without you just proved that. I want you to be my wife. Will you... will you be my wife, please?"

Tears were still on Lisbon's cheeks, but a wide smile appeared on her face.

"God, we're stupid people, aren't we?" Lisbon asked, and Jane chuckled. Lisbon sighed, and brushed a hair out of Jane's face.  
"Yes, I want to marry you. Wait," Lisbon said when Jane moved in to kiss her. "Not yet. Not when I'm being kept in the hospital. I want it to be perfect, I want all the pain the past few days have caused you to disappear. I want you to be happy. Maybe you'll find you don't want to marry me, who knows? But I do want to marry you. But I want to wait. A long time. Until we're both ready."

Jane placed a kiss on Lisbon's forehead.

"Would you please keep the ring on your finger?"

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to run away with it, Jane-"

"That's not it. I want people to see that you're somebody else's. They can't claim you anymore. You're mine."

Lisbon again rolled her eyes.  
"I'm not yours, Jane. You don't own me."

"Yes I do."

"Whatever."

-YulianaHenderson-

_"Experts still don't know how Teresa Lisbon could've survived the crash. They speak of a miracle she'd survived-"_

"Could someone turn off that damned thing?" asked Lisbon. The team smiled, before Rigsby went to turn off the TV.

Jane's hand moved to get away from Lisbon's – though he did not want to, and Lisbon didn't want it either. Jane smiled.

"I don't want to let go either, Teresa, but I need to fulfill my duties as a human-"

"I don't care, you're staying here."

"Lisbon, I-"

"I do not care."

Jane groaned.

"Let me go, woman, I need to go to the bathroom."

Lisbon chuckled, and let go.

"Well fine, but come back immediately when you're ready."

Jane nodded, kissed her briefly before he left the room.

"A word for uncanny and irritating?" asked Cho. He was making these crossword things, and he would never do these things, but he didn't have any books anymore. Lisbon opened her mouth to answer it, when Van Pelt raised her hand.

"Not Jane."

Lisbon almost pouted, but almost.

"I'm still happy you're not dead, Boss. That week without you was excruciating."

Lisbon smiled faintly, and then looked at the empty spot where Jane had just sat. He would be there the entire day, holding her hand, kissing her senseless, laying next to her and holding her in his arms – when the team wasn't around, of course. Despite this all, she still was the cool and calm Senior Agent that dreaded romantic relationships in a unit.

She and Jane couldn't be away from each other more than five minutes. The hospital had somewhat broke the regulations concerning visiting hours, since Jane was still a patient at the hospital. The fact that he always was with Lisbon wasn't even their biggest problem anymore. He still let them treat him; anything not to die of these damned drugs he'd taken.

The biggest problem was that he kept her from her sleep, medications, checks. And he irritated the nurses with his charms.

She brushed the spot. Whenever he was away from her, her heart just literally hurt.

"I do wonder though why you didn't grief properly. I mean, you wanted to but you didn't because you cared more about Jane than yourselves," said Lisbon. The team looked up at her, and smiled sheepishly.

They looked at each other, and then at Lisbon again.

"Because you and Jane were never apart from each other anyway. The times where you took one of us with you and made one of us take Jane with us were rare."

"We thought that if we would take care of Jane we would take care of you."

"Because you two are inseparable."

Lisbon didn't blush, but just sighed, and smiled. She knew the guys were right. And she knew that everybody knew about her and Jane's feelings long before they knew themselves.

Jane walked back into the room.

"Did I miss anything?" asked Jane. Lisbon smiled at him.

"Me?"

"Yes, of course, always. But I meant miss anything of the interesting conversations you seem to be having whenever I'm not around."

Lisbon rolled her eyes. "You're not a bit nosey, aren't you?"

"What? Me, nosey? How could you think of something that ridiculous, Lisbon. I'm appalled. Really."

"Whatever. Come here," she said, and reached out her hand. Jane smiled, took it and stole a long kiss from her – long as in longer than the usual kisses whenever the team was around. He sat down on his usual spot at the edge of her bed.

"It still looks weird when you two kiss. Not that it doesn't look natural or sweet or anything, but it looks weird. Because you've been best friends for so many years, and didn't ever want to commit to something-"

"We get it, Grace," said Jane and Lisbon in unison.

Van Pelt smiled, and then looked at the two men who didn't want to participate in the scene.

"Shall we go?" she asked. The men looked up at her, and frowned.

"Why?"

Van Pelt silently groaned, and looked at Jane and Lisbon helplessly. They suppressed chuckles, because they knew what she meant.

She stood, and walked out of the room.

"What? I don't get it-" started Rigsby, but Cho cut him off by gently poking his side. After a few seconds, Rigsby got it, and smiled sheepishly.

"Bye guys," he said, and he and Cho left too.

Jane turned to Lisbon again, and smiled.

He brought her hand up to his lips, and placed a small kiss on it. He loved these moments with Lisbon, where neither of them had to say anything, but they still knew what the other was thinking or meant with actions.

"When do I get to see what damage I caused?" asked Jane, and Lisbon frowned.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, dear Lisbon, I'm pretty sure you didn't come out of that plane without any scratches. I would very much want to see what damage I caused you so I can pay you back with an equal amount of kisses, touches and hugs."

Lisbon swallowed, and sighed. "It's nothing, it isn't that bad-"

"Now come, Teresa. I'm not stupid, my love."

She sighed again, and then slowly pushed the comforter away with her arms, giving her space to lift her sexy hospital dress to just beneath her breasts. He saw she was uncomfortable with this, but she didn't disagree because if she did, she wouldn't do this in the first place.

He cursed himself internally as he saw the damage: one of her upper legs was completely bandaged, he saw at around seven stitches on her stomach. Aside from that, there were little scratches but they were everywhere, and there were a few spots where her skin had burned slightly.

He swallowed, and brushed her skin with the palm of his hand, taking in all scratches and beginning scars. She shuddered, but didn't stop him. She knew he needed to do this.

She knew he blamed himself, and despite how much she told him he was wrong in that, he wouldn't listen. The fact that she'd almost died was his fault, and he needed to pay for it. Or that was what he thought. Because honestly, it didn't matter to her. As long as he would stay with her, the plane crash was history. It didn't happen – well, of course it did, but she wanted to forget. She had been through a lot and just wanted to forget.

But of course she knew he wouldn't forgive himself so easily.

He had reached her cheek, and pulled the sheets up with his free hand. He laid down next to her and pulled her into his arms.

He kept tracing her body though, and she shuddered at the heat that radiated still through the sheets.

"I'm sorry, Teresa, for everything I've caused you. And yes, it does matter. To me."

"Patrick-"

"Teresa. Stop. Please. I love you, and I've hurt you. Let me be angry at myself."

Lisbon sighed, and kissed him. When she pulled back, he saw she was again fighting tears.

"All I'm trying to say is that I want to forget. It's okay that you're angry at yourself, but don't make me remember it again and again. It has been a hell for me, Jane. Like your life had been up until the crash because of Red John, only for me in a matter of seconds. I hate it, Jane. I hate it so much."

She had started crying again, and Jane looked helplessly as Lisbon cried sinful tears.

"I almost died, yet you only care about the fact that it was all your fault. I can't care less, Jane. Trust me. I'm happy I got out of it in relatively one piece, while the rest of the passengers suffocated by debris, burned, got crushed by parts of the plane, or simply died because help came too late. I want to be happy again, Jane. While I was in a coma, these images kept flashing in front of my eyes, and I couldn't shut them off despite how much I tried. I beg you, and I don't beg a lot, to let me be happy. Make me happy. Let this rest, pretty please."

Jane sighed, and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, before wiping away her tears.

"Okay, this will be the last time I'll say this: I'm sorry. Okay. That's it."

Lisbon buried her face in the crook of his neck.

"Thank you, Patrick," she whispered, and wrapped her arms around him, pulling him as close as possible before falling asleep.

Her words hurt. He had never realized what she must have been through. He only cared about himself. He was selfish.

He turned them so that Lisbon was laying on her back, and his head was placed on her chest. He listened to the calm beating of her heart, and it calmed him down too.

He knew a million things to try and make her forget, most of them included a bed, but he didn't want to force things. That bed would come when they were ready, and Lisbon definitely wasn't now.

But there were scenarios that didn't include a bed.

Yes, he would make her forget, just as she wanted.

But first; sleep.

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**A/N: So! What did you think? Let me know in a REVIEW, thank you!**

**If you're interested in the sequel to this story, add me to your follow list and stay tuned for new stories of me!**

**And a thanks to all my lovely reviewers! ****Gemrosa****, ****Loes-chan****, ****CookiesForMe****, ****Laila****, ****MissDonnie****, ****Sorchauna****, ****louisethelibrarian****, ****Teresa L Jane, ****Berkwood Court and all the guests****. My love for you is just stupid, it's so great that it makes me emotional. I don't even know you! But still, seeing you reviewed just makes me too happy and that's what keeps me going! Thank you so much, and don't stop reading my stories after this one! I have so much in store, give me the opportunity to show it to you!**


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